For Brandy

{Please repost if you care to...}

My name is Brandy. And I have a blog.

And a plea.

I use my blog to showcase the crazy I meet everyday, share the stories of the kids I teach and document my love for tequila, dairy products and the abdominal muscles of Ryan Reynolds. Rarely do I talk about personal issues on my blog- as personal as the dude that I adore (who I actually met through my blog- single ladies, let that be a very good reason to blog, the possibility of meeting someone as wonderful as my man), but I need your help. And it involves my dude.

He’s a guy who made math comics for my class, so they would love learning about addition. He’s the kinda guy who sends my friends gift cards when they are having hard times, who remembers every story I ever told him, who was the first person I celebrated with when I got a teaching job. He’s the guy who sent flowers to me at school- dozens of my favourite pink roses just because he loves me. He’s a guy who has spent a year patiently explaining (and re-explaining) everything there is to know about football during the important games when silence is preferred. He’s made me word puzzles and comics and stayed up late playing Scrabble with me (even though I beat him almost every time). He’s listened to me cry about school and family and jobs. He is everything I never knew I needed and everything I always knew I wanted.

The holidays have hit us hard. He’s recently been told he may have something called multiple myeloma- an incurable cancer, that gives a person an average of five years of continued life. Though this news has came as a shock, he continues to be exactly who has always been- spending his time worrying about me, rather than worrying about himself. He’s the most selfless individual I know- (he stayed late on Christmas Eve to work, so his co-workers could leave early) and a post like this would never be something that he would promote or encourage but when I’m overwhelmed and feeling helpless, the blogging community has always given me tremendous support and comfort, two things I desperately need at this time.

As I write this, the future is uncertain and we aren’t sure what’s happening. He’ll need to see an oncologist soon, to verify what’s going on in his body. My hope is that everyone who reads this think positive thoughts and if you are a person who prays, could you add him to your list? (You can refer to him as ‘brandy’s hot awesome dude’). If you don’t pray, please keep him in your heart.This cancer is only a possibility and I believe that the prayers and positive thoughts of people can make sure it never becomes a reality.

I want to give a big thank you to the blog owner who scraped their original blog plans and graciously put this up. My goal is to get as many people as possible to see and read this post. If you are reading this and want to help, copy and paste my plea into your blog or send a link through twitter, so more people can keep him in their thoughts. I would be so very grateful (even more grateful than I am to my friend who first showed me the picture of Ryan Reynolds on the cover of Entertainment Weekly. If you haven’t seen it, google it. You. Are. Welcome).

I realize this all sounds dramatic, a Lifetime movie in the making- but this is life. Right now. And I’m throwing away any hint of ego and am humbly asking for you to pray or think kind thoughts. If you are able to pass this on, thank you and if you know anything regarding MM- please email me (my email is on my blog). This isn’t a call for sympathy or a plea for pity. It’s just one girl hoping you can think positive thoughts for the person she adores. If my current heartache provides you with anything, let it be with the reminder that life is short, love is unbending and no one knows what could happen next. Maybe it is silly, but I really do believe that positive thoughts can make a huge difference. Thank you for reading this and if you haven’t already? Please tell someone you love them today.

I did.

Oh Be Joyful

Yesterday I about had it with people. At one point, I actually told my coworker that I wanted to throw people out of the window. Oops. But I had valid reasons. I had stupid coworkers urgently emailing me saying they needed my help--only when I called to help them, they said they "weren't ready for me." Um. Not. Cool. Then I had a lady email saying she couldn't find herself on our website. I literally did a Google search, and what do I find? HER FREAKIN' ARTICLE. How people do not know how to use Google is beyond me. Then I totally forgot I was meeting an alum who found me on Twitter for coffee, and I wore jeans and a hoodie. Classy, and professional. I know. And then I was supposed to interview an artist, only I misplaced her phone number. And then I finally found it, only to have her not be at home.

But it actually all ended up okay. I interviewed the artist later. I got a free hot chocolate out of the alum. And finished all of the work I had to do.

Today I am literally the only person in the office today. And it's snowing. I had the bus all to myself this morning. Earlier I hated myself for not applying for this job I really wanted but I emailed them my resume and cover letter anyways. And I proved to myself that I can write a cover letter, which I thought was nearly impossible for me to do. And now I'm going to hunt down some last minute gift for my brother so that he has something to open on Christmas because I couldn't get my act together and spend hordes of money on framing his soccer jersey for him. Should be fantastic. At least I'm going home early today. And tomorrow I'm off, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day....Sweet.

How's your week going?

Tis The Season

I had an average weekend---called a few friends from college that I have been meaning to call for months. Hung around the house. Wrapped some Christmas gifts. Our tree still isn't decorated. Slept okay, and babysat my 'lil cousin. And then went to church but left after communion. I know, typical Catholic.

Then today I read Du Wax Loolu, and decided to fill out this meme or whatever you call it. You should do if you're avoiding doing any sort of work like I am right now.

Eggnog or hot chocolate? Hot chocolate all the way. I think I'd die if I drank eggnog.

Does Santa wrap the presents or leave them open under the tree? Of course he wraps them! If he left them open, there would be no surprises, and you all know how much I love surprises!

Colored lights on a tree or white? I love colored ones but I do have to admit that white ones look so classy.

Do you hang mistletoe? No, but I've always wanted to be kissed underneath one. Any takers?

When do you put your decorations up? At the last minute. That's how my family rolls. Whereas I'm sure normal people put it up like after Thanksgiving or at least the beginning of December.

What is your favorite holiday dish? Anything with meat and potatoes. And cookies or pie or cake. If you couldn't tell, I'm not really picky.

Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? I'm not sure. I guess it depends on how many presents you have under the tree for everyone. Like if I only had one or two presents, I'd rather just wait till Christmas day. That way I'll have more stuff to open.


How do you decorate your Christmas tree? With Christmas ornaments from my childhood and from places I've traveled.We do the colored lights, with strings of pearls and then have a fancy purple cloth that the tree sits on.

Snow: love it or hate it?Of course I have two answers for this one. I love the snow when I have no where to be, am by the fireplace, or under some warm blankets in bed. I hate the snow when I have to drive in it because I turn into a big baby and drive 20 mph.

Can you ice skate? Nope. Ever since a mean boy in middle school hit me on the rink and made me fall on my butt and bruise my tailbone, I've never really recovered. Now I'm that girl that holds on the railing the entire time. Funzies!

What is your favorite holiday dessert? Chocolate sugar cookies or sugar cookies with lemon icing. They are to die for people. Seriously.

What is your favorite holiday tradition? Probably sleeping together with my brothers the night before Christmas and then waking each other up on Christmas day to shouts of excitement that Santa came and seeing the tree with presents.

Candy canes: yum or yuck? Yum. I don't really partake in candy canes but I don't think they are gross.

Favorite Christmas show? It's a Wonderful Life. It's a classic.

TGIF

Whew, we made it through the work week. Thank God. Seriously, this week lasted forever! Today I slept in, came into work late, and have a Christmas lunch to attend in 20 minutes. See, since my office consists of only 5 people (the rest were all laid off this year), instead of a party, we get a special lunch. Whatever. I like anything free. We're going to this cafe nearby that I haven't eaten at for like two years because I'm too poor.

After the lunch, I intend to do a little work here and there to make the time pass. And then most likely I'll leave work 15 minutes early, and go home and sleep spend time with my family. Other than that, I don't have any real concrete plans for the weekend. I might go to some church thing with M tomorrow, and most likely attend church on Sunday, and sleep a lot. Oh, right, and buy all the Christmas gifts that I'm already supposed to have wrapped.


Do you have all your shopping done?

p.s. I came home last night to a real tree. That's about as tall as I am because my dad cut off too much. It was 6 feet tall and now it's like 5 feet. Classic.

Sprinter or Marathoner?

As I was walking to the library today on my lunch hour, I saw a bunch of people on the creek's path. Some where running, others were walking. And it made me think--am I a marathoner or a sprinter?

I always wanted to be a sprinter and run really fast and just be able to turn on the juice and blow everyone away during soccer practice in high school. But I couldn't do that. Maybe it's because my legs are short so I have to take double the steps a normal person would. Or maybe I was just too lazy. I'm not sure. Nowadays, sometimes I think I could be sprinter. Like when I'm impatient, I could just run away from the situation or problem and be done with it. Or I could run and figure out a solution. But either way I could figure it out FAST.

But it's pretty clear to me that I'm a marathoner.

I'm a marathoner when I'm drinking because I'm more of the slow & steady type. I'm in for the long haul. Same with friendships. I may take my time building them, but once your my bff, I won't leave you. It will be forevah.

Are you a sprinter or a marathoner?

An Update

• Remember Alex? Well, before Thanksgiving we got together for a cup of hot chocolate. And I have to say that I was seriously so bored. All he did was kept talking about random things, and I didn't really get a word in edgewise. And at one point in the conversation I'm pretty sure I heard him say he dated a man after college. Meaning, that he could be gay. But of course I didnt' clarify because we were in a public coffee shop. But now I'm wondering. A few days later, he sent me a message on Facebook saying it was great hanging out and that I was beautiful. And since then we've exchanged a few e-mails, but that's about it. Until yesterday he emailed me, asking me if I was okay because he hadn't heard from me. I assured him I've just been busy and am fine. 
• I'm going to cook and have dinner with M tonight and I'm excited. 
• I found out today that at work, we're moving again. Apparently the company we share our space with wants our offices and is willing to pay for it. So that means I have to pack everything up again. Oh joy. Not to mention that it's likely we won't be downtown anymore. Obviously there's pros and cons to this, but I rather like being downtown.
• My dad comes back today but there's rumor that he won't be officially released from his contract until the end of January. I'll have to ask him about it today, but I hope that it isn't true, because I wanted to move out next month.

What's new with you?

Weekend Recap

I love the mountains. Like forever.

This weekend I went on a young adults retreat in Allenspark, CO, where there was no cell phone reception, lots of hiking trails, and really cold wind. I met alot of awesome people whom I hope to keep in touch with, but most of all, I got away for the weekend.

Do you have any idea how nice it feels to get away? To literally not have to check Twitter, and Facebook, and e-mail, and return phone calls? It.was.heaven. I got away from my family, and just had time for me. Kinda of how Katie was talking about how she needs "me time."

I am officially back into the "real world," but I feel different. I feel refreshed. I feel happy. I swear I haven't laughed as hard as I did this weekend, nor as much, since college. It was awesome. Not to mention that it began to snow yesterday. And instead of freaking out about the snow and complaining about how much I hate to drive in it, I literally sat by the fire in a really comfy old chair, and stared out the window. I watched it fall on the trees, and it was so serene. It was so peaceful.

And then I drove in it without fear, and took a newly acquired friend from the retreat to the mall, where it was insane. Like, people ALL over the place. It makes me glad I don't have to buy anything from the mall. But I digress. M and I took this new found friend around the mall, so he could buy Broncos apparel. Then we dropped him off at his other newly acquired friend's house where we ended up having wine, cheese, pumpkin mousse, and pizza. And we played cards, and laughed some more. It was definitely a surreal weekend, but one I needed. One I am happy to have had, and one I hope to remember.

How was your weekend?

TMI Thursday: I'm Bleeding!

***Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s!

This month has reminded me of a TMI story from last year, around this same time. It was New Years Eve, and I was in the kitchen baking cookies from scratch when I got an invite from a guy I know to go to see the Flobots in concert. I had already made plans but I figured, for a free night out on the town, I should go. So I quickly showered and got dressed in a pair of jeans and a long sleeved shirt with my new white puffer vest. I was feeling good.

The previous week, I had noticed a huge bump underneath my armpit. Now, this has happened before, so I wasn't alarmed. Until it really started to hurt. So on the advice of my mom, I went to the doctors. They numbed me and spliced it open and let it all drain out, and then put this packing stuff inside it and gave me a bunch of gauze and medical tape and said it'd close up on its own.

So keep in mind I have my gauze taped onto my armpit. We got to the concert, where there's a ton of people, and it was pretty dark in there. It got pretty hot in there, but I figured I was just sweating because I had so many layers of clothes on. At midnight we did the whole kissing thing, and afterward he drove me to my car. I gave him a hug goodbye and drove home. The entire time I just thought I was really sweaty. Until I got home.

When I got home and took off my vest in my brightly lit bedroom, I noticed red all over the armhole of my vest. Curious, I took it off, and saw blood and clear residue all over the entire left side of the WHITE vest. Apparently my bump didn't close up on its own and proceeded to drain itself complete with blood and pus all throughout the night. Guess I wasn't sweaty after all!

Happy TMI Thursday!

Weekend Recap

Let's get to it.


Friday- After making last minute plans, I left work and came home. I cooked grilled chicken and noodles for my family. I felt all domestic, and I liked it. I miss cooking. My brat of a 9-year-old brother hated my chicken, but all he needed was bbq sauce to dip it in and then he was satisfied. After cooking and actually cleaning the pans and putting them away (my mom was happy), I threw together an overnight bag, and headed over to my friend's house for a girls sleepover! Yayy! After getting there by 8, we went to Old Navy where I scored a new pair of jeans, and my friend bought some sweaters and a pair of jeans too. Then we went to the store, where we bought Christmas cookie cutters, construction paper, staples, and breakfast items.

When we got back to the house, we played the most fabulous Christmas mix cd ever (compliments of M), while cutting, stapling and making paper chains. This year we made one featuring Christmas colors--red and green--and another featuring an off white color, light blue, dark blue, and a gray. We did that for quite awhile, and did a great job. Both chains were the length of my friend's place and then some. While M and my friend hung the paper chains around the apartment, I started rolling out the sugar cookie dough, and used the different cookie cutter shapes. It was fun. By 3 a.m., we the entire apartment sufficiently smelling like cookies and paper chains abounded. Then we crashed and went to sleep.


Saturday- We woke up and made waffles with fresh strawberries and homemade whipped cream (with a touch of amaretto) and watched an old season of America's Top Model. Then we all parted ways. It was definitely a fun sleepover, and I feel so much more like it is the Christmas season. When I got home, I hung around the house for a bit and then grabbed Snarf's for lunch with the family. Then lounged around some more until I went out to Boulder and had dinner with friends. I tried a pomegranate margarita--it was really good, not too sour or sweet! And the food was good too, just huge portions. Needless to say I had leftovers. After dinner, I came home and watched Inkheart with my little brother until my mom kicked me out of her room. Then I snuggled with our dog and fell asleep.


Sunday- I slept in, played Wii Fit with my brother, watched a really boring episode of SNL, and then headed to Boulder to watch the CU Women's basketball game. We got free tickets. We being my family. And they actually won, and I saw an old man with a Syracuse hoodie on. It was nice. After the game, my mom and I went to Costco where we did some shopping and ended up buying a huge Christmas wreath for the front door. Then we watched The Amazing Race finale and went to bed.

Hope you all had a great weekend.

I do have one question for ya'll: Should we get a real tree or a fake tree this year? We've always had a real one but it's also alot of work to buy it and dispose of it and water it. What do you think?

The Dangers of the Microwave

So today I learned first hand about the dangers of the microwave. While at work, a friendly neighbor asked me if I wanted a cookie. Apparently they had a whole tin full of homemade goodies. That they froze to keep fresh. Of course me being a fat kid, I pounced on the opportunity to spoil my lunch and said yes. I chose a huge oatmeal raisin pecan one. "Just nuke it in the microwave," said the nice neighbor. "Ok, will do." She left the kitchen and I promptly put the frozen cookie on a plate and hit 30 seconds. The center of the cookie was inflated and warm but the rest of it was cold as a rock. So I figured, ok 2 minutes. Then the entire cookie should be warm and gooey and yummy. Right?


Wrong. About halfway into my allotted time, I noticed "steam" coming from the cookie. So I stopped the time at after a minute, thinking it probably just needed to air out. Nope. Apparently one of the raisins in the center of the cookie decided to burn. I literally had a smoke signal coming out of the center of my cookie. Panicked, because I didn't want anyone to see or smell my burning cookie, I blew as fast as I could, thinking it would just stop smoking. No such luck. Then I decided to stick my finger on top of the burnt raisin. And promptly learned that it was too hot and burned my index finger. Finally, I decided to just run out of the front doors, cookie and plate in hand, and wait outside for it to cool off. After all, it was only like oh, 15 degrees out. After standing outside freezing for what seemed like forever, but in reality was only two minutes, I snuck back into the office. I didn't even smell any smoke.

I congratulated myself on a job well done. That is until lunchtime came around and I needed to heat up my soup. When I opened the microwave door, I totally smelled my burnt cookie. Oops.

Because I don't wanna think...

We all know how much I don't like thinking. So that's why you're getting bullets today. Deal with it.

• Since my last post about my lack of holiday spirit, M came up with the idea to have a girls sleepover filled with holiday cheer. It's happening tonight, and I actually have to say, I'm excited. 
• Because a ton of my FB friends were commenting on Jersey Shore, I watched it online today. And I laughed at all of them the entire time. Seriously, I can't believe these people actually exist. And no, I won't be watching it again. Unless I need a laugh.
• I've had two alums from my program find me either on Twitter or through e-mail. They all want advice on how I got my job and blah blah blah. I really have no idea what to tell them. I don't even like my job anymore. But I'll try my best to come up with something.
• I'm going to the mountains next weekend for a retreat and I'm excited!
• My dad is coming home from China forever in like less than two weeks.

What's new with you?

Wait, it's Christmas?

Not to seem all Bah Humbug or anything, but am I the only one out there who isn't listening to Christmas music, decorating the tree, and sending out cards? Anyone? Anyone?

It's not like I don't appreciate Christmas, because I do. And with the heap of snow we got today, it feels like winter. That and the subfreezing temperatures, but who's complaining? And it is December now, so I guess that means we have 3 weeks or so to celebrate the season. But I'm just not feeling it. Probably because this year is a little different than last year was in that I'm living at home. I don't really have free range of the kitchen to bake (because I know my mom will just criticize me in some way or another), nor do I really want to send out Christmas cards from myself. And my ipod is dying so I haven't reloaded its music in forever. And I'm sure if we do get a tree, it will be at the last minute and then we'll be forced into decorating it. It's just not carefree. I should enjoy doing all these things, not feel like it's an obligation. So instead of forcing myself to get in the holiday spirit, I'm just gonna ride it out and wait. Maybe by December 24th I will be so full of the spirit that I'll move to the North Pole and become a full-time Santa's helper.

What about you? Are you in the Christmas spirit?

Random Thoughts Tuesday

Over the weekend, I figured out a few things about life and things. Allow me to share....

#1. I don't want to be a pirate as a living. I mean, I would get seasick, and it's gotta be lonely out on the water all the time. Not to mention that you really have to LOVE water to consider that as a career. And ever since I almost drowned in Mexico, well, I have a hate relationship with the ocean. So that's definitely out. At least I've figured out what I don't want to be. That's gotta count for something, right?

#2. I wish I could be a dog. Like my dog, who is a golden retriever mixed with border collie. Sure it would suck to have to go outside to do your business, but how cool would it be to be able to listen to humans talk all the time and know everyone's secrets? And you would be able to tell all of your doggie friends via the twilight bark, but the humans would never know, because only you would be able to understand them.

#3. Lately I've been freaking out about the whole 20-something crisis, but when I was at church this weekend, the priest explained how there's hope that whatever you're going through you can survive it. That makes me think that everytime I'm freaking out about if I'll ever get married, or find a job I love, he's laughing at me. He's laughing at me and shaking his head saying to himself, that I'll be okay. That it will all work out. I have hope right now that it will be okay and that one of these days I will think back to how I was in my 20s and have a huge laugh and shake my head too.

What's on your mind today?

Weekend Recap: Thanksgiving Edition

Can I just say that having the office to myself after a long weekend and listening to Disney soundtracks (Lion King, Beauty & the Beast, Little Mermaid, etc) makes work alot more enjoyable? Cuz it does.

As for my weekend, it was nice. As predicted, we snuck the dog in and out of the condo. There were a few close calls when one of the maintenance workers wanted to install some carbon monoxide detectors and we had to hide the dog in the spare bedroom. And hide her in the car while we parked in the garage. And make sure she didn't bark. Yeah, it was kinda annoying but I think my mom finally learned her lesson that we shouldn't bring her up again. Especially when you have a 4 hour car ride with 5 people, a 50+ pound dog, and a back seat  completely filled with our stuff. The saving grace of the trip up and back was a dual screen dvd player. My lil brother was in heaven. And I have to admit, it was really useful. We watched Transformers on the way up and Family Guy on the way back.

I ate entirely way too much over the weekend--there was food everywhere. My mom and I argued over how to cook glazed carrots, but I got to thinking, that if every Thanksgiving was actually free of yelling and her trying to micromanage my every move in the kitchen, well, it'd be kinda boring. As for the feast, we had a moist turkey, stuffing with pecans and cranberries (a welcome upgrade from stove top), green bean casserole, glazed carrots, rolls, and mashed potatoes.

It was yummy, but I'm sad we have no leftovers because we left early on Saturday so we left all the extras behind. I might actually make some green bean casserole this week and buy some turkey so I can recreate the experience. But I am definitely going running or walking everyday this week. I felt so gross and fat this weekend, probably because I kept stuffing my face with food, but still. I need to run/walk some of that stuff off. Like today. I meant to wake up at 6am, that's when my alarm went off, but I decided it was too dark to go outside. So I reset it and slept in and didn't take the dog for a walk. So that means I'm walking around on my lunch hour today.

How was your Thanksgiving/long weekend?

Head for the Hills

I am so drained right now. Like I can't even find the motivation to work, which is a legit excuse when EVERYONE except me and two other people are here in the office today. Not fair at all.

I am excited for Thanksgiving though, because every year my family ditches the rest of my family and heads for the hills mountains. We rent the same condo. We walk downtown. We watch people ski or snowboard. We hide our dog in the condo, because we're not supposed to have any pets. I read lots of books and sleep in. And go shopping on Black Friday because the biggest store in town is the Staples. Yeah, it's gonna be great to get away.


What are your Thanksgiving plans?

Weekend Recap

This weekend wasn't eventful in the slightest. If anything I learned that I am a lightweight drinker, should not lay down and text at the same time, and I need a vacation.


Friday- Came home from work and flopped on my bed and took a nap. Then attempted to make plans with a friend when my phone died. Needless to say I ended up eating kettle corn while watching my brothers play Wii. But I did stay up till midnight, so that's a win in my book.

Saturday- Slept in, hung around the house for awhile, and watched my tv shows--Project Runway, Real Housewives of Orange County (which I'm seriously beginning to hate) and Top Chef. Hey, I never said I had good taste in tv shows, but it felt good to just not think for awhile.

In the afternoon, I decided to make my first pumpkin pie, using the #1 rated pie recipe on Allrecipes.com! Yeah, I haven't tried it yet, and my mom bought cinnamon pumpkin pie from the Honey Baked Ham store, so I guess I'm taking this to work tomorrow. I think it should be decent, I mean, I followed the recipe, so really, how hard can it be to screw it up?

Now all I need is some whipped cream...

After pie making I imbibed my current beer of choice: Avery's White Rascal. I only had one, and it put me to sleep. Literally. I was supposed to go out drinking but I never heard my phone, and ended up waking up at 11:30pm. After texting my friend an apology, I rolled over and went back to sleep.


Sunday- Woke up at a ridiculously early time--7:30, bright eyed and bushy tailed (so to speak). Went to the early mass, where I sat next to a woman who's daughter I went to grade school with, and saw another old lady who was at the banquet I went to last weekend. It was eerie. After church I came home and helped my mom make breakfast--eggs, potatoes, and toast. It was good. After breakfast I was completely bored so I actually folded my laundry and put it away. It's literally been sitting in my basket for oh, two weeks now. I took the dog for a walk. Then I went to Costco and got gas, and a few groceries. I bought my brother his Christmas present too--Sonic the Hedgehog for Wii. Personally I have always loved Sonic since Sega, but that's here nor there. The rest of the night I showered, read a contemporary romance novel about a lawyer and a famous Hollywood actor, and ate dinner. Exciting life I lead, I know.

What was the highlight of your weekend?

Oh Murphy's Law

oh, it's just funny, i blogged about Alex and how i haven't heard from him the other day when today i get to work and what do i see in my inbox? an email from him! his dept was celebrating this GIS day at the courthouse and he wanted me to stop by, so I googled the agenda, and saw they'd be on a break during lunchtime so i figured I'd drop in then cuz his email said come by at lunch if u want to.

and i figured I'd go so he knew i didn't hate him. and I was so nervous but i walked to the third floor to find...that he wasn't there. and i couldn't call him because my cell phone is broken, so i walked all the way back to my office, and tried his cell and his work. no answer. and then i realized i didn't even leave a msg, so he would never know that i tried to see him. so then i called his cell again to leave a msg this time, and whatta know, he answered. and said he was at subway. with his coworkers. so we agreed to meet at 1:10, because the next session started at 1:15. so i thought, okay we'll talk for 5 min tops.

well......we ended up talking for an hour about his research and his thanksgiving plans and of course he was like so good to see you, and i was like yeah. and he's like i didn't think i would ever see you again (aka what i said in my email) and so i was like well, i didn't know what to think, and maybe sometime we can get coffee even tho i don't drink coffee.but i drink tea. but isn't that funny how people say, let's go out for coffee sometime when they don't even drink it? (yeah, i was rambling.)

and he was like well think about it, i'm around, call me if you want to do that. and then he walked me out and we said goodbye. and i wanted to be natural so when i first saw him i did give him a hug, but that's what i do, i give hugs. so when we were walking down the stairs he grabbed my hand. i'm not sure if that was out of kindness or not. but it didn't last long and wasn't like intertwined or anything. and then we had another hug when we said goodbye.

So that's what's been interesting....not to mention that the Asshole just texted me asking if I had plans tonight. Which of course I don't, because I'm 90.

How's everyone's weekends looking?

No Boys Allowed

Recently, my dating life has suffered massive blows for some reason. Let's recap here:

Alex- I let him go. He was too old, and he intimidated me for some reason. After that final email, he did send me one last week asking how I have been and how the weather is. I replied because I thought it couldn't hurt, and I haven't heard back from him.


Special Agent- We've texted a few times and he drunk dialed me a couple weeks ago, but other than that, nothing much. I think what we had most in common was the trip.

Asshole- I haven't heard from him.

Yogi- We text sometimes too, and I've called him a couple of times but he never called me back. I still see him in the mornings, and he still makes me smile, but I think that's all it will ever be. He hasn't asked me to hang out with him and I haven't either.

So, given that's all the boys, I am at a standstill here. My latest thoughts are being that I should meet new boys, or let all of these boys go, so that by the time the new year hits, I'm a free agent. Sometimes I wonder if I could be without any boys, like sure I could have friends that are boys, but you know, like free of that boy. The boy you can flirt with or call or text. But, I'm beginning to think that I should try it. I mean, sure I might be a little lonely in the boy area without those ones to lean on, but ultimately, I'd be setting more time aside for myself, and that's a good thing. Plus, I won't have to put in anymore effort into said texting, calling, and flirting. I also kinda wanna do it to prove to myself that I can do it, ya know?

Do you have any boytoys or girls that you need to let go of? Or am I just a huge flirt?

Weekend Recap

Friday- I left work early due to it starting to snow. Then came home and enjoyed the house to myself for a bit, until my mom and brother and my dad came. I watched tv and read a book and then went to bed.

Saturday- I slept till 8am, then got up and read some more of my book. Then went to a volunteer appreciation event, where a national speaker was there on the gift of laughter. She made us stand up and say "heehehehehe" while moving our thumbs up and down. Trust me when I say, I felt like this had to be on a hidden camera show. Unfortunately, I was wrong. So me and my friend attempted to sneak out, only to come face to face with the director of the organization. Oops. She of course was like, why are you guys leaving?? And me, being awesome, escaped to the coat room before she could corner me. Unfortunately, the latter happened to my friend. After successfully escaping, we asked ourselves yet again why we go to these things. I told her it was because of the free food. *shrugs*

After the event, it started to snow again, so I came home to an empty house. My family had taken the dog to get groomed. I ended up laying in bed and reading for a few hours, until I finally was hungry, and made myself some dinner. Then I hung out with the family aka yelled at my mom and hung out with my dad, and went to bed.


Sunday- I slept till 8ish, got up, helped make breakfast with my mom. I was going to attend mass but it was still snowing, so I decided to tape mass on the ETWN network. I was watching said mass on the tv when I was rudely interrupted by my little brother who said he got the tv so we could watch the Broncos game. Thankfully I recorded the mass so I can watch it anytime this week. After being kicked off the tv, I played Indiana Jones on Wii and Star Wars. My point was just to go around and collect all the coins and treasures; I didn't actually want to beat the levels. After I got bored of that, I went to Babies 'R Us with M, where we shopped for the baby shower that was in like 3 hours.

I successfully bought diapers, wipes, a safari pacifier holder, some frog themed clothes and some frog washcloths. Then I ran home, wrapped everything, and put it in a pretty bag, and got my ass to the shower. I only got lost once, but thankfully my GPS knew just where to go. I was even on time. The shower was fun, filled with the typical games like measuring the mom's tummy, and remembering a bunch of baby items. I won a prize too, because I had one of the best lists of advice for the dad to be. You see, you had to take each letter of the name of the baby, JULIAN, and write something. Mine is as follows:

Just Breate
Understand your limits
Listen carefully
Investigate all baby sounds
Ask for help when needed
Never shake a baby*

*I say that in making fun of a local commercial I hear allll the freakin' time on the radio. But you still should never shake a baby, k?

After the shower, M and I caught up with a friend from h.s. that was there. She told us all about her three kids and the deadbeat dad, and her depressing life. It was pretty sad. But it sounds like she'll be okay. Finally it was like 9:30, so we all left. Sure it was fun seeing them open presents, but I have to tell you, most of the people there were either pregnant or had babies with them. It scared me out of my wits. I definitely can't imagine being pregnant at this age. Like, having a real human being inside you. Yikes. So, I came away thinking I should be good for awhile. As in, abstain from that stuff. Cuz the last thing I wanna be is a mama right now.

I slept pretty crappy last night, but thank god for some prescription ibprofen--now I'm back to normal.


How was your weekend?

Don't make me think

Sometimes I really don't like to think, ya know, because it takes too much effort. So, when I'm not thinking, I find I say some of the stupidest things ever. This past weekend I was full of dumb remarks. Don't judge.

This past weekend, when we were all working on fixing my brakes, this guy Aaron moved the portable heater near my car.

Me: What're you doing?
Him: Moving the heat closer.
Me: That's not going to melt my car is it?
(Yeah, like I said, I don't think.)

My mom was making me clean the house after she made me breakfast over the weekend.

Mom: Get the black one out of the closet.
Me: The black one? *I hold up the broom*
Mom: Yeah, that.
Me: What's this called again? I know it sweeps...it's not a sweeper though, right?
Mom: It's a broom you idiot!
(In my defense, I had slept for 10 hours the night before...maybe I had too much sleep)


My brother let me borrow his iTouch to Google the number of the tire place.

Me: Ok, I found it. How do you zoom in?
Him: Why do you need to zoom in?
Me: Oh I wanted to zoom in so I could just click the number and call them.
Him: *pauses* You know this isn't an iphone, right? It's an itouch. You can't call from it. That's why you need a real phone...You thought it was a phone didn't you?
Me: Uh, no....
(I don't get out much, what can I say?)




Maybe I should start thinking...do you say stupid stuff like I do?

Growing up

Somedays I feel like I'm an adult full of wisdom. Other days I feel like I'm still in high school and a kid afraid of the big bad real world. Sometimes I see traits of my mom in me, like when I plan everything to a T, or research things before I buy them. Other days I know I have parts of my dad within me, like when I ask a friend why they are upset and give them a hug, or always try to be on time, if not early. And somedays I wish I didn't have parts of them within me. That I didn't inherit their faults. 

After struggling with "fixing" my brakes all day on Saturday, I was frustrated, cold, and tired. I came home to find two black trash bags sitting on top of my bed. I went over and opened them up, and saw momentos from my childhood and early years. There was my old pink crocheted blanket, my ballerina trophy from my recital, there were pictures of my best friend and I sitting on the black top at recess, there were my prom dresses from junior and senior year, and my old letter jacket. And they were thrown into trash bags. I wasn't pleased, because they used to be in a plastic tub. I packed them in one before I moved out of my house and into an apartment and put it in the closet in the basement. It's been sitting there for over two years now, undisturbed. Until this weekend, that is.

Sunday morning I asked my mom why she threw all of my stuff into trash bags. "Oh, well I needed that bin for my stuff," she said. "Well, why can't I just keep this stuff downstairs in the closet? Why does it have to be in my room?" I asked. "No, no, no, I don't want any of your stuff in my house. Get it out." I was hurt by this. I mean, seriously, what parent doesn't want their kid's old stuff? I just don't get it. If I ever am a parent, I won't make my kid take all of their stuff with them. I mean, seriously, it was ONE BIN. It's not even like I was taking up the entire closet. She told my other brother who's 20, the same thing, that he needed to take his stuff with him too. It makes no sense to me. Yes, they are my things. Things she didn't need to go through btw. But is it really that much to ask that I can keep ONE BIN full of stuff at the house? It's not like my house is filled to the gills with junk. It's not at all. There's plenty of room. Maybe on a deeper level I don't want to accept that the house I grew up in is no longer my home. Maybe I don't want to grow up and part with my childhood self. But I've always known I can't be there forever and I look forward to the day when I move out and can be on my own again. Hell, I can't wait till I have my own place to call home, even if that means I'll be in debt forever.

It can just be really frustrating when you live with your parents and I think my mom is being insensitive but she got her way. My stuff is still sitting in my room, along with my luggage that she won't let me keep downstairs,  a pile of books that she won't let me put on the bookshelf, and a couple of boxes. My room is getting too crowded with all of my stuff, so I think sometime soon I'm going to get access to my P.O.D. and put it all in there. That way I can at least see my floor again.

Weekend Recap

I really don't even have to divide up the days this past weekend, because I seriously didn't do too much. Friday night, while I was tempted to go to bed at 8pm, I made it till 10pm, thanks to my book, The Men's Guide to the Women's Bathroom.

On Saturday, I literally spent hours working on my car with my uncle. You see, I did something stupid. I figured that I needed my rear brakes replaced, because winter is coming and I hate driving in the snow. So, I spent the $17 to get rear brake shoes (see, i'm so smart about my car, I even know the right words for the parts!) and took them apart, to figure out that they really didn't need to be replaced, BUT me being me, said to my uncle, "Well, I just want to make sure everything is done, I don't wanna call you up in the middle of the snow and beg you to fix something," to which he replied, "Yeah, we already have these...I've never done it before, but we might as well." Um, famous last words kids.

We were there until 11:25pm in the freakin dark freezing our asses off trying to fix the brakes. It took three men, a 12 pack of Coors Light, an adjustable light, and a portable heater to fix the gosh darn things. Then, I took it for a spin, you know, after we "fixed" them...to find out that it's not fixed. How did I know that? Oh, you know that thing, that you use when you park your car on a hill...what's that called?....ohhh, a PARKING BRAKE. Well, that DIDN'T WORK. Nope, that's a BAD sign. So I risked my life and my brothers and drove slowly home on Saturday. Then I went to bed, but didn't sleep well due to the beer and my room was freaking freezing. Like, I wore a robe, my fuzzy socks, my pjs, a hoodie, a blanket, and a comforter, and finally put on some gloves, and then I could sleep, only to wake up in the middle of the night because I was too hot. Men: it really is true, women are never satisfied.

Sunday I woke up to breakfast, watched The Proposal, complained about how my car was messed up, drove over to my uncle's, watched my cousin while he worked on my car, and spent most of the day there. I am proud to say that I know how to fix my rear brakes now, and they do work. But, now whenever I drive, I feel like my tire is all wobbly. FML.

I'm totally going to Brakes Plus this week to get a professional to look at it. And I'm going to buy some new tires on the black market. Oh, and did I mention that after all of that lovely car stuff, I came home, got in a fight with my mom (see tomorrow's post) and then stormed out of the house and went to church so I wouldn't kill her. And then I came home to find out that my mom had volunteered me (without asking of course) to drive my brother back up to school, which is about an hour each way. At like 9 o'clock at night. LOVELY. When I finally got home at like 11, I was just about to fall asleep when I got a freakin' drunk dial from Special Agent. Luckily I only listened to him for 6 minutes and 5 seconds before I feigned sleep and hung up on him. The highlight of my night though was getting to snuggle with my doggie:

Whew, I feel better already, thanks for listening to me vent. How was your weekend?

I have to let you go...

Things in the boy department have kind of tapered off lately, mostly due to my own decisions. Remember Alex? Well, a couple of weeks ago on a Friday, he called me at work. We chatted for a few minutes, and he apologized for not emailing me or calling me that week, due to work reasons. Which was fine with me, I was really busy that week anyways. We got to talking about weekend plans, and I for once, had nothing planned, nothing going on. So without thinking, I told him I wasn't going to do much, maybe go outside or go for a drive somewhere...that I had no plans. What do you think happened? He didn't miss a beat and volunteered to hang out with me. Heck, he even said he would drive, and to call him the next day.

After hanging up, I realized that I didn't even know him. I hadn't seen him in person since we met on the bus a month ago, and why would I drive in a car with him? Not a good idea. Plus, he's obviously older. So while talking to my bff about it, she made a good point--that he's gotta be looking for one thing, and that I should end it because I'm not comfortable with the whole idea of hanging out with him. Which I wasn't at all. I get myself into crazy situations like these all the time because I'm just too nice. *shakes head*


So, I figured I had two options. I could call him back at work and cancel that way. Or I could send him an e-mail. I chose the latter, because I was too chicken shit to call him back. I kept thinking, what if he shows up at my office? What if he gets angry? I have a wild imagination, what can I say? So I wrote him a very short but nice email saying that due to our age difference I didn't think it would be appropriate to hang out, but that he was a very nice person and I hope he meets some new people soon.

Of course he responded the next day and was very nice about it.

{My name},

I can understand you perfectly. I don't know how old you are vs mine, although I sincerely believe I'm older than you but I don't think it hurt to have a friend who is older than you, does it? Besides I am sure it hasn't developed to something serious. For me I don't even know whether you have boyfriend or not so I have not been thinking seriously about relationship but I know is possible if there is connection and other things work. For now I just consider you as a friend but I think you are ahead of me. Anyway, I think you are nice and like you but if that is how you feel I can understand you. This notwithstanding I wanted to meet you even if not for anything but just a friend.

If you change your mind, give me a call.

Thanks {insert my name here}.

I never replied to the e-mail, because I didn't want to lead him on. We are still friends on Facebook, which I guess I'll leave. It's not like we write on each other's walls or comment on each other's statuses or anything, so it's probably ok to keep him on there. I was going to delete him, but my bff said that would send him the message that I hate him, which I definitely don't. I just am not interested at all. I feel good about my decision to let him go...now I need to work on all the other ones. *sigh*

Wordless Wednesdays: Boulder

(Click here to see more WW)

 

 

 

 

 

 

Weekend Recap

Friday- I worked from home again, just because I could. Then, in the evening, my mom and I got into a fight. She basically said that I'm a bad influence on my 9-year-old brother because I say no to her, and I don't pick up things like she wants them, and I don't help my brother study. I told her she's the parent, not me, it's not my job to tutor him. I'm his sister. We argued for awhile until she said that "this just isn't working, you need to move out. You need a life." Um, I have one thanks. I asked her to wait until January, because that's when I can stop paying for my P.O.D. and look for a place to move. Of course she said no, and I basically left.

I went to my friend's house where we watched Hocus Pocus with M, and then we got addicted to watching this Ghost Hunters Live show on the Travel Channel where they were in some mental institute in West Virginia. It was lame and they never did find one, but we still watched it till 1am. I spent the night, and didn't even dream of ghosts.

Saturday- I slept till 10am, then ate lunch and watched My Life in Ruins with my friend. We played with her dog, and watched Casper the Friendly Ghost, and played trivia on demand. We finally went outside at like 5pm, took the dog for a short walk, and then I headed out. I went home, made up a costume (I was a little girl going to sleep--I wore my hair in pigtails, wore starry pjs, slippers, and held a stuffed teddy bear with me), and then headed downtown for a party, where I met up with many new and familiar faces. It was good times. After that I headed to another party closer to home, where I played darts and watched people play Rockband 2. I stayed out late, but it was a good night, considering last Monday I had no plans for Halloween whatsoever.

Sunday- I slept in, watched tv, ate cold pizza on the couch, played with the dog, watched some more tv, avoided my mother, attempted to go to church but failed, and then went to bed. Yeah, I pretty much did nothing yesterday but isn't that what Sundays are for?

Today I'm the only one in the office, it's mildly unsettling, but I've managed to take up most of the day doing mundane tasks.


How was your weekend? Did you dress up for Halloween?

Blog Swap: If I lived in Colorado

Hey everyone, 
Today I'm swapping posts with the coolest Aussie I know, Kez, from And So I was Thinking... We might be on the opposite ends of the world, but we're both going through the quarter life crisis! Yay! You can check out my entry on her blog. Enjoy!! 

Well, hey there! I am so honoured to be a guest blogger for the 20 Something Bloggers Blog Swap - mouthful, much? My name is Kez and all you need to know about me is that I live in Australia, I'm the biggest dork you'll ever know and my quarter life crisis is rumbling along nicely.

Soooo...Courtney (you know - the awesome chick that owns this blog) has so kindly let me invade her wonderful writings with my crazy ramblings!

As you may know, Courtney is from Colorado. A place I know very little about. The only time I really hear about Colorado is when my parents start sentences with, "When we were in Colorado..." Which of course makes my blood boil, because I am so jealous of their midlife overseas travels and their over the top braggery (don't know if that's a word - too late now). Yes, apparently my mum once caught the eye contact of Carlos Santana while he dined in a cafe in Colorado. She claims she wasn't starstruck, but I know the truth. Her CD and itunes collection tells me so. Random, huh?

I know that there are these things called the Rockies. Are they rocks? Mountains? Rocky mountains? Well, whaddya know! This concerns me because I am clumsy and a bit funny with heights. I might not last longer than a couple of months. You know, because of the whole possibility of me falling off a cliff while hiking or something.

My hubby just reminded me that "South Park is from there". Which brings me to my next point. South Park is awesome. But probably not helpful so much in the way of PR and stuff.
I won't hold that against anyone.

If I went to Colorado (or even lived there), I would make sure to wear Colorado footwear and drive a Holden Colorado (imported from my fine country of Australia). I would also probably attend that university they have that is named after a giant rock. Boulder. Which I find to be a scary metaphor for how I feel about my university at the moment...it's like a boulder chasing me down and threatening to squish me before I make it out the other end...oops, I have a bit of university baggage right now...

So I totally googled celebrities who are from Colorado...quite the list. I would probably hang out with Matt Stone and Trey Parker (yep - back on the whole Southpark thing), but maybe not so much Bill Murray or Roseanne Barr.

I would sit around (probably on a rocky outcrop somewhere) and sing John Denver songs badly, while playing guitar equally as badly. Although I am disappointed that his real name was Henry Deutschendorf Jr (Wikipedia - dashing blogger's dreams for decades). Doesn't have the same ring to it. I only know John Denver songs because my dad used to be a fan. We used to have to endure roadtrips around Australia with everyone in the car singing, "Countrrrryyyy roaaaddds, taaa-aake me hooooome, tooo a place..." at the top of their lungs. I figured, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

So as you can see, my knowledge of Colorado is just really crap. I've probably offended the locals. Perhaps I really do need to get there one day. If only to stop my parents from starting their sentences with, "When we were in Colorado...and you were not..."

Wordless Wednesday: It's A Snow Day

 

(Click here for more WW...)

 

View this afternoon from our front door

View of the backyard

Boys & Girls

Can boys and girls just be friends?

I'm gonna say no. But I want to say yes. I want to believe that it's possible. I've told myself before how I've wanted a guy friend or two to hang out with, to do things with around town when my girl friends are busy. But I know in order for two people to be friends they have to be on the same page. And while it might start off right, it doesn't end right. Nope, either the girl likes the guy or the guy likes the girl. It just happens. It's like inevitable.

My friend Self-Absorbed, has a guy friend. But he likes her. He's invited her to fly to Canada to see him. She tells me all the time over gchat how he's such a stalker, and how she keeps telling him no, that doesn't like him, etc etc. Until today. Today apparently she thinks that she can go visit him "as a friend." "I know nothing will happen, I trust him. And I miss him when he's not online." Um, you miss the attention sweetie, not the boy. I told her how that's not a good idea, because even if he says they are just friends, he will take her visiting him to heart. And she's a flirt. So you know nothing good can come of this. I hope she listens.

Giving her advice has got me thinking about my boys. I found out Alex is 37. He wanted me to friend him on facebook, so I did. But now that I know his age, I don't want to hang out with him. And of course when I decided this last week, what happens? He asks me out to lunch on Monday. Thankfully work has been super busy this week so I had a legitimate excuse to say no. But 37? I mean, just the mention of his age makes me intimidated. I wouldn't even know what to say around him, especially because he's very soft-spoken. I mean, I don't see any attraction to him anyways, so I would be friends with him, but  still--37? No thanks.

Special Agent and I are still friends, but after my trip to see him a couple of weekends ago, I think there's potential for more than friends. I don't want that, and he doesn't either. But...if we were both in the same city, at the same time, and both single...wellll....I wouldn't discount us going out a time or two. So, that proves it, I can't be friends with boys, even if I tell myself that's what I want.



What do you think? Do you think boys and girls can just be friends? Cuz I'm thinkin' no...

Weekend Recap

Friday- Had an awesome night out with M. We went downtown and ate at Tony's Meat Market. I had their salad, which has strawberries, feta cheese, romaine lettuce, roasted chicken, and some candied walnuts. So so good. M had margarita pizza which she liked; we shared a pitcher of beer, listened to live music, and caught up on life. After dinner, we walked back to her place, and decided to rent a movie, so she drove us to Safeway where we loaded up on snacks. We rented the Ghosts of Girlfriend's Past. It was okay. I'm glad I saw it so I can now say I've seen it, but I definitely wouldn't watch it again and I'm glad I rented it.

Saturday- I slept in. I had like the best night's sleep ever. I finally woke up around 11:30, then hung around the house. In the afternoon, I headed over to my uncle's party, where I ate a bunch of good food and had cake! And of course saw my lil cousin and family. It was good times. When I got home I didn't feel like doing much, so I paid some bills online and cleaned my room. Oh, and my mom made me watch an episode of Oprah where they talk about hoarders because she thinks I am one. I think not. Clearly.


Today- I slept in till 9:30, got up, watched Real Housewives of Atlanta, Project Runway, and one episode of Brothers and Sisters. I took my brother to his basketball game, and then sat back on the couch again. I haven't changed out of my pajamas today either. I'm just tired and lazy. I don't want to do a darn thing except sit on the couch and watch tv or sleep or lay in bed and read. Yeah...not really a productive day, but oh well. I know tomorrow is going to blow work-wise because I have like a weeks worth of work to do in oh, 8 hours.


How was your weekend?

Bad Habits

There's just something about being connected to technology that makes me sorta kinda addicted to it. At work, I'm constantly on gchat, and checking Twitter. I log onto Facebook daily, except for the weekends. So, when I'm not at work, I do the next best thing I can do--I text. Which leads me to my bad habit confession today: I text while driving. I KNOW, I'm so so so bad, right? Eeeks.

I shouldn't do it. I know that. I know it's not safe. I know that people have caused accidents by texting or just being on their cell phones in general. I know that, yet, it hasn't happened to me, so I continue to do it. Until now. As of today, I'm going to stop this bad habit, because I need to put my safety first. A text can wait. Don't get me wrong, it will be hard not to reach over and steal a quick glance at my phone to see who it was from or what it says when I hear the double beep of my cell phone going off. But I can't do it anymore. Nope, it's not a good thing. Plus, maybe it'll help me become less addicted to responding instantaneously. Maybe I'll start listening to the radio again. Or better yet, use that extra 20 minutes to reflect on my day, something I rarely do anymore.


What are your bad habits?

Home Sweet Home

This weekend I went to the East Coast. I had an early flight on Saturday, and because of the crappy weather we had here--snow and ice--my flight was an hour late leaving because we had to de-ice the plane. I was supposed to catch a connecting flight from Philly to Burlington, but my flight seriously landed at the same time my connecting flight was supposed to leave. Ironically, I was very calm. I've never missed a flight before, but really, there was nothing I could do about it. And I kept thinking about how I was safe, and how it was important to de-ice the plane. When I got off the plane, the gate agent handed me my new ticket, but that flight didn't leave Philly till 8:35pm, and we had landed at 1:35. So...I did the next best thing. I went to the customer service counter and asked if they had an earlier flight. Unfortunately, they didn't have any earlier non-stop flights, but if I was willing, they could put me on a flight from Philly to D.C., and then to Burlington, arriving at 7. I figured, what do I have to lose? And took it.

When I got to the airport, I was so nervous to see Special Agent and his bff. But I forged on, and finally found them. He put my luggage away for me and his bff let me have the front seat. Classy. Then we went to dinner at an Italian place called Three Tomatoes, where we had awesome wine, conversation, and food. I was still nervous but it was okay, nothing was awkward. And it seemed like Special Agent and his bff had put in some effort for the night. They even planned to have a bonfire outside his house with the neighbors. After dinner, we started drinking beer and watched tv. His neighbors tried to start a bonfire, but that failed. I'm not sure why--I was just content drinking Sam Adams Oktoberfest beer and sitting on the couch. Anyways, we headed next door and I met his neighbors and other people. We sat around playing drinking games and watching tv. His neighbors also had the cutest dogs ever. I don't remember what types, but they were all so friendly and loved to sit and cuddle with you. I had a great time, and I remembered why I was able to drink 3-4 beers while I was in college--there's no altitude there--which actually made me feel young again. Plus, the next day when I woke up, I wasn't even hungover! No headaches, just the dry mouth.

I woke up early, and Special Agent drove me to get my rental car. I ended up upgrading to a Subaru. It was decent. I did miss a few turns on my way to New Hampshire, so it took me about 3 hours to get there instead of the 2.5 hours that google quoted me. But I have to say, the scenery was so gorgeous. So picturesque. I even stopped a few times to whip out my camera and take pictures.

I would say the biggest difference between fall in Colorado and fall in Vermont/New Hampshire is the colors of the trees. Our trees are mostly green and yellow. The trees out there are red, orange, even purple, and yellow and green. It was just so so beautiful. And I was so happy to see my bff and her fiancee. They are seriously so adorable, and unlike some couples that I just can't stand to be around, I never ever felt like the third wheel with them. In fact, seeing them, makes me ten times more excited for their wedding next year.

On Sunday, I drove along with my bff and her fiancee, to Mt. Washington. Two other cars of people joined us. We were gonna drive the 8 miles up to the top, but they had closed half of it due to snow and ice. So we didn't end up doing that. We drove to Wildcat Mountain to zip line, but they didn't have any reservations open until 3:30, and we didn't wanna wait. So we drove around so more, and ended up at Diana's Bath, where we hiked about half a mile and took pictures of the waterfall and the trees. It was really great to be outside and stretch my legs, and time just seemed to pass so slowly there. It was quiet and peaceful, and just beautiful. That night we ate lemon chicken and bowtie pasta, and even stopped at a Dairy Queen along the way, where we snacked on french fries. My bff had never been there before, so of course we had to go.

I woke up early on Monday morning, said goodbye to the people who were up, and made it to Vermont in 2 hours. It's amazing how much time I saved on the way back by following the directions. When I got back, I thought maybe I would have time to go apple picking and do breakfast but I honestly was so tired, that I just let it go. I know this entire weekend I was looking forward to picking apples, but it just felt forced. Instead I snuggled with Special Agent, filled him in on my New Hampshire adventures, and said goodbye to his bff, who left us alone. Special Agent and I drove to downtown Burlington, past the University of Vermont (which has a gorgeous campus, btw) and ate at Henry's Diner where the food was cheap but so so good. I had homefries! I know, it's the little things that excite me in life. After breakfast, I returned my car, and Special Agent took me to the airport. I made it back home safe and sound, but I still miss the East Coast. *sigh* Guess I'll just have to go back again next fall.

Hope everyone had a great weekend!

Ready for an adventure?

So here's the update regarding this weekend. I feel like in the past 24 hours, I have made some progress. For one thing, I no longer hate Special Agent so much that I want his balls on a silver platter. It's amazing what ignoring his phone calls and threatening voicemails, reading a book, and taking a shower, can do.

Yesterday we didn't talk. We did text, because we're immature like that. Basically he was just acting like a big jerk, at one point he actually texted me that it was no big deal that I'm coming up there, "it's not like it's a romantic weekend. we're just friends." Um, right. Okay. Whatever. Eventually I was just so irritated that I simply stopped answering him. I ignored his texts, and he called twice, leaving a message somewhere along the lines of...

"Hey I hope you call me back, this is getting silly. Sorry you're upset, I didn't realize him coming up would bother you. There's not much I can do about it now. Not to be mean, but snap out of this so we can have a good time because I won't enjoy myself and you won't either. This is shitty we both spent money to not have a good time. It's up to you, it's all based on you, but give me a call if you want. Bye."

That mean voicemail just made me even more upset. I went home, grabbed myself some Taco Bell for dinner, read an entire book in bed, and then took a relaxing shower. I didn't even check my phone. I knew what I needed was space and time. Space to calm down, and time to figure out what I want to do. It was a very productive evening to say the least.

This morning I woke up with a better outlook. I wasn't angry anymore but I also wasn't ready to call him back, especially after what he said yesterday. He called me as I was getting ready for work. Normally I would've answered, but today I put myself first. He left another message.

"Hey I'm sorry for yesterday, I was angry. There's a lot of stuff going on at work. I can't blame you for not answering. I can't just ask my best friend not to show up. I haven't seen him in 3 months. I told him how you wanted it to be just you and me and he's already made plans. I don't know what you wanna do but I want you to come, but if you don't want to, then I don't want that. Maybe you can use the tickets as a credit. Tell them that the person you were going to see passed away or something. I was trying to come up with ideas last night. I still want you to come but not if you don't want to because then that would suck and I don't want that. I don't know, please text or call so I can help you out or maybe get things ready. The house is fairly big, there's plenty of room for three people...it's up to you. Bye."

First off, I know it was at the end of August that he last saw his bff, because he drunk dialed me. Second, I won't lie about someone dying. Talk about bad karma. After reading everyone's comments and talking with my bff, I did eventually text him back with my plan of attack.

Thanks to the iNDefatigable mjenks for his suggestion that I split my time between Special Agent and my bff. That's basically what I'm going to do. On Saturday, I'm going to meet his bff, and then we'll all go see the leaves, and go apple picking, and probably break bread together in some form or another. I'll stay with Special Agent. He said I can have his bed; him and his bff will take the couches. I wasn't aware he had more than one couch, but whatever. Then on Sunday morning, I'll wake up really early, have SA drive me to the airport where I'm renting a car. Then I'll drive 2.5 hours to where my bff will be in NH. I will spend the day with her, her fiancee, and his family. I'll stay with them Sunday night. On Monday morning, I'll spend the morning to myself, then drive back to Vermont. Then I'll have brunch with SA alone, say our goodbyes, and then drive myself to the airport where I'll return the rental car, and then hop on a plane to come home.

I am actually excited now, because I'll be getting to do the things that I want to do. Plus, who doesn't love an adventure? It seems like this always happens to me, and everytime I just go off on my own, just like I did earlier with my Seattle trip. Either way I'm gonna survive! Yay! Thanks again to everyone who commented! 

Crash & Burn....

Seriously, what a mess. Why do I get myself into these situations with boys? You're probably wondering what the heck I'm whining about. My Vermont trip. You know, the one that is THIS WEEKEND? Yeah, that one. Ahem.

Special Agent called me last night as I was on my way home from picking up dinner for my family. His cell phone reception sucks, so I heard every other word. But he dropped a lot of things on me last night, the first one being that his best friend Danny, who happens to be gay, is also coming up this weekend. Apparently Special Agent can't afford to go down to Boston to visit him for his birthday or something, and so Danny is coming up. Which leads me to the next thing he asked me..."He's staying here too, so you can either have the couch while I share a bed with him or we can share the bed and he can take the couch." Um, what? I thought we were just friends. Friends don't share beds together. So I said, "oh, okay. I'll think about it." I mean, what else was I gonna say?

Then he says that it's going to be crappy weather on Sunday, so he thinks right after I get off the plane we should go for a drive and take pictures of the trees and then go apple picking later that day. I was okay with that. "And on Sunday, there's the Broncos game which is gonna be HUGE, so my coworkers want to come over and watch it. That's okay, right?" Seriously? I don't do football. Football to me is like social hour. Only in this case, I won't know a single person there. Wooo this is gonna be fun. NOT.

I told him that we should talk tomorrow (which means today) about all of this. Basically I'm freaking out. I am regretting booking a trip to go see him because he sucks as a host. If any one of my mutual friends or otherwise came out to see me, you damn well know I would clear my entire schedule for them. Sure I might plop in a few friends here and there but the entire weekend would be dedicated to spending time with that person. Which is what I expect of Special Agent. I'm flying allllll the way out there to see HIM for the weekend. Not his bff Danny, not his coworkers. Maybe he's just nervous to have alone time with me and wants people around. I get that. And I honestly might be okay with watching the football game with his coworkers if it was just him and I the entire weekend. But throw in his bff into the mix, and what do we have here? An episode of Three's Company. Or just an awkward weekend.

Clearly I'm not happy, but I am the type of person who always finds some sort of solution. So today when Special Agent texted me asking me if I was still nervous, I was completely honest. I told him I am having doubts about coming this weekend. I called U.S. Airways to see if I could change my flight but my ticket is non-refundable and so no matter what they'd charge me $150. Not a fan of that, so looks like I'm going to Vermont. Yay! *insert sarcasm here*

I asked him why his bff couldn't come up to visit him a different weekend. "I wish you would've told me this last night," he said. "I needed time to think about it. I don't like being put on the spot." "Well, I'll tell him you want me all to yourself but if he's already made arrangements, I'm not going to hell and have him break them." "That's fair," I said.

So now I'm waiting in limbo, waiting to hear if his friend is coming up or not. But here are my options:

1. Since I'm 25 now and won't get charged those stupid under-the-age-fees, I could rent a car and do whatever I wanted this weekend in Vermont. I would of course "meet up" with Special Agent at some point, but most of the weekend would be spent alone.
2. I could stay in a hotel. I'm sure I could get a great rate from Priceline.com like I did for my Seattle trip, and that would make it 10x less awkward because I wouldn't be around boys the entire weekend. Plus, if I didn't want to watch the football game, I could stay in and sleep or read my book.
3. I could suck it up and enjoy Danny's company, and suggest to Special Agent that we have some alone time, whether that be going for a walk or to an early breakfast, so that we can have time to catch up.
4. I could drive up to New Hampshire where my bff is going to be with her fiancee and spend the weekend with them.

So I do have options...but I'm still freaking out. What is up with people? Why do they suck so much??


What should I do? What would you do? Help!

Weekend Recap

Oh let's see, what did I do this weekend.....


Friday- I was stuck in the office all by myself. My boss and coworkers were all gone, so I left at 4:30, came home, talked to Yogi for a bit, who tried to convince me to drive up and see him in Keystone, but I declined. I was planning on doing nothing but hanging out on the couch when he said that I had to get out of the house. Good point. I ended up doing just that. I went to dinner with my mom at Outback where I finally told her I was going to Vermont next weekend, and could she give me a ride? Yeah, I didn't give her any of the juicy details. Later that night I went out barhopping downtown with M and another friend. It was a success.

Saturday- I slept in. Oh my how I've missed uninterrupted sleep. I don't think I did anything important. I did go to church with my mom, and then hung out with my brother who came home from college for the weekend. We ended up seeing The Ugly Truth at the cheap movie theater--when I say cheap, I mean cheap. Tickets were only $3.50. FTW! It was a good movie too, I laughed alot. I still need to see the Proposal and the Hangover. After the movie, we came home and caught up on things, and then I logged onto Facebook to check my crops on Farmville, because I'm so cool like that. Turns out the Asshole was online, and he basically called me out asking why I keep blowing him off. I told him how I just can't make anymore effort anymore and he called me passive aggressive. Yeah, it was a nice conversation. Not. He never apologized but instead said he misses me and wants to talk things out. I really don't know how I feel about it. I'm just too nice. I did agree to meet with him tonight to talk things out aka I want to yell at him and make him feel like a jerk. So at least that will be cathartic for me, considering i never did yell at him before when he ditched me.


Sunday- I slept in again, took our dog to the blessing of the pets at church, and then headed over to M's place. Her mom joined us and we made homemade pizza from scratch! It was definitely a success. I will post the recipe and accompanying pictures later this week. After her mom left M and I ate our creations and caught up. It was a great day. Then I headed to dinner where I met some alumni. It was okay, and I obviously wasn't hungry, but I did go. Dinner lasted two hours too. oy. But all in all, it was a good weekend.



How was your weekend?

"You're my best friend"

Since my last post about all the boys in my life, I have quite a few updates.

Let's start with Alex. We keep e-mailing back and forth, but generally, our conversations are boring. I don't want to discount anything with him just yet, because anyone can be boring via e-mail. But I also am not at the point where I want to actually talk with him on the phone, let alone give him my number. Maybe I'll suggest going for a walk on our lunch break and see how the conversation is then. Either way, I definitely am not feeling the whole take-me-to-dinner-please feelings. More or less, I think he and I could be friends.

Speaking of friends, let's talk about Special Agent boy. So as you know from my last post, I'm set to spend a weekend with him in Vermont in oh, less than two weeks now. Up until this point, we still text daily, and he still calls me cakes btw. UGH. Regardless, he's been a little distant lately. Fewer phone calls, but still flirty text messages. Turns out he's homesick, and he's fighting with his sister because she's getting re-married and he doesn't approve of it at all. He hasn't even met her fiancee, but hates the idea, so he's boycotting coming home at all for the holidays. I've been supportive of him, listening to him vent, and when needed, putting in my two cents. 

This past Friday, while on Facebook, he started venting about family stuff. And then somehow changed the subject to my trip out there. "I want you to know that you're my best friend. I know I can tell you anything, and that whatever I tell you stays between you and me, and that's amazing. I'm so lucky." I'm thinking to myself...OKAY....where are you going with this? "But I'm so stressed out with family stuff right now that I can't be more than friends with you. Not to mention that my job comes first, and I'm a shitty boyfriend. I still need to deal with my past."

Of course I was shocked. I mean, wow. I didn't know what to say. In the span of like 3 minutes, he gave me a HUGE compliment, but also kinda put me in my place. He asked me if I was disappointed, and I said, "I don't think so, because I honestly don't know what I want right now." Which is true. I'll admit my first reaction was--how can he not want me? I want him to want me, even if I don't know if I want him. And as my bff pointed out, it's not fair to expect that from him if I don't even know what I want.

So I let that sink in, and we continued to chat, and by the end of our conversation, we were at ease. We were ourselves, and the conversation flowed naturally, which is a good thing. The more I've think about this--that we're just friends--the more I think he's right. Not to mention that I still don't even know if I'll like him more than a friend, seeing as I haven't seen him since high school. I think right now, especially with the distance, it's good to be friends. He makes me feel good about myself, and I in turn, encourage and support him. Not only that, but reading back on my past entry about the trip, I noted that I'm most comfortable with going to see him as friends. And that still holds true. Now I don't have to worry about being perfect around him. Now I can be myself. 

Over the weekend, when I was planning on going to the Great American Beer Festival, I tentatively made plans to stay the night at the Asshole's place in case I couldn't find anyone to give me a ride. I of course ended up staying with M, which was a way better choice. Plus, when I texted him on Saturday complaining about my head hurting, he texted back saying he was sick with a bad chest cold, so it was probably even better that I didn't stay with him on Friday night. Since then, I haven't heard from him, which is a good thing. I am just over him. I don't know how to describe it, but I honestly would have to force myself to go out with him again. I just don't feel anything anymore.

I haven't seen Yogi in over a week now, because something's messed up with the nerves in his leg. He's literally been out of work for almost two weeks now. I called him a couple of times to see how he was doing. We talked last night for a few minutes but basically he still doesn't know what is wrong with him and is set to go to a different doctor today. It'll be nice to see him, in a friendly way of course. 

Wordless Wednesday: Fall

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