Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Random thoughts

-Ya ever feel like you're never gonna be good enough? I mean, I haven't made alot of mistakes in my life nor do i want to. but i suppose it's inevitable right? I mean, the last thing I want to be is that 30 or 40 something year old making mistakes that people their age are already over with because they did them in their 20s.

-I'm anxious and yet nervous about my trip this week back to upstate ny. I think it'll be an emotional weekend of sorts, partly because I'm excited to see my friends but mainly because I know that things aren't the same there. And for some odd reason I want them to be the same, I want to remember college the same way but I know that's not reality. Time moves on, even if I haven't in some ways. I mean this is the first time back to college since graduation. So it definitely won't be the same in that all my friends won't be there but in some way, maybe this trip will be closure for me. Or help me realize that I can always have those memories and not have to worry about life changing. I just don't know. I just want to enjoy my time there and not be so anxious and stressed and worried about what people will think of me like I am right now. ugh.

-Can I just say, I am soooo not ready for more responsibility? I know, I'm a mature 23-year-old, but seriously, I have a new appreciation for my life. See, this week my parents have been out of town, so they insisted that I housesit and dog sit. Now, I love our dog. In fact, sometimes I wish she lived with me so that I could have someone to play with and always be happy to see me when I get home. And she's not a puppy, I mean she's 3, so she knows the dos and don'ts. But, what I didn't realize is just so freakin hard it is to work full time, plus take care of a 50+ pound dog. Just thinking about it stresses me out. I mean all I've done this entire week is just work, race home to let her out and feed her, and then do my errands but always worry about her, about how long she can be inside before she needs to go out again, or what to do with the dog. It's like even plans I'm trying to make on Wednesday aren't fully developed because I keep thinking about the dog, and how late I should stay out and when I should get home and maybe I should do something closer to the house. It's like ughhhh. i just want my old life back, where I could sleep in without any worries, or watch my tv shows, or do whatever I wanted.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008


Yay! Ok! So I have a blog now. That's great. So I promised myself when I started said blog that I wouldn't censor myself or think too much about what I'm writing and that I should just basically write down what I'm thinking.

So far a few of my random thoughts of today consisted of:
-Glad my boss isn't in today. I don't want to get sick.
-I am full of contradictions

So what am I doing right now you ask. Well, I'm currently at work, because who isn't at work at 1:20pm on a Tuesday? Only those without consistent job schedules. Speaking of those, I would like to openly admit that I am so entirely jealous of all the 20 somethings that get to travel the world as their job, or non jobs. It's like, that is so so cool! I mean, sure, it's scary, but adventures aren't? You surely don't go into an adventure being like, this isn't gonna be scary at all! No! Of course not! You go into them full of wonder, and mystery, and sometimes you can be hesitant too.

Speaking of adventures, I am totally going on a week long trip to Paris in about two months. Am I crazy or what? Oh great, now I look like a hypocrite because here I am saying i'm jealous of those who travel aroudn the world, and here I am doing it. Well, rest assured, I am not hypocrite. About a couple months ago, I had this really static feeling with my life, and I wanted a change--an adventure of sorts. And seriously, it just fell into my lap. I was talking with my best friend from college, we'll name her L, and she was telling me about how her and her sister, A, wanted to go back to Paris again. See, they went last year for the first time, and loved it. And I guess they found out after they came back that had they gone a week later, they could've enjoyed alot of sales for shopping and deals on travel, etc. So they were like, let's go again! So they were talking about it, when L asked me if I wanted to go. I told her I would think about it.

See, I haven't gone anywhere out of the U.S. besides Canada when I was like 12, and Mexico, just this past summer, which was a DISASTER to say the least. More on that later. So anyways, I had gotten this idea to go traveling earlier this summer when I went to the Greek Festival for the first time. I loveeeeed it, the food, the atomosphere, the hot hot Greek boys. So of course after that, I told my roommate, you know what?? We should go to Greece!! I even went as far as looking up airfare for this summer and when the best place to go is. Anyways, now that you know I wanted to go to Greece this summer. As I was saying (or typing), I wanted to go somewhere this summer. L had asked, I said, ok, I'll think about it. Then we started brainstorming other ideas of where to go. I suggested Germany, because who doesn't like a nice German beer? Also, I had just watched Heidi Klum on Jimmy Kimmel and she mentioned this brand of chocolate called Milka that you can get in Germany that is delicious.

So, I suggested Germany but A didn't like that idea. So then L suggested London because her friend is over there for a year working for her company and has an entire flat to herself, which would mean as long as we want to sleep on the floor, we would totally save on having to pay for a hotel! So that definitely definitely sounded appealing, because half the people I know from college went to London. They are always talking about London this or London that, or remember that one time that British guy said this? I never ever knew what they were talking about or referring to, so this would be my opportunity to know the inside scoop and to have my own set of London this or that references. Only that didn't happen. Again, A, wasn't on board.

After more thinking and talking and inviting my roommate, we agreed on Paris. So it'll be L, A, me, and roommate--M. Haha, imagine if my name started with an E...then it would be L, A, M, E. HAHA. sorry. I know that was lame. whoa, I mean, uh, that was a corny joke, ya. welcome to me though. I am the worst joke teller ever. seriously, i think the funniest jokes come from like 2nd graders. Take this one for example, what do you call a bull that sleeps? A bull-dozer. Get it?

Anyways, back to my story. So we're going to Paris! I know I just used an exclamation mark, to indicate that I am excited, but in reality, I am not. At least not yet. I'm more scared I think. Scared of the unknown. Scared of the many, many, things that could go wrong. Like one day, I'm seriously excited, like Oh.my.god. I'm going to Paris!! and then the next day I'm like, Dude, you are freakin' crazy! What the heck are you doing? You're going to Paris??? What??? Who does that?!?! And yes, I say it exactly like that.