Tuesday, March 31, 2009

I'm ready...

I'm ready to make mistakes. Up until now, I've lead a pretty innocent, carefree life. But lately I've been wondering if I've actually been living life, or letting life pass me by. Or maybe I'm meant to be innocent and good. Or maybe I'm just too smart to make mistakes. I don't know, but I do know that I'm ready to make mistakes; I figure that I might as well make them now while I'm in my 20s, rather than waiting till my 30s.

I've already forewarned M about it, and I have yet to have the same convo with my parents. I figure if they know upfront that I'm going to be less than perfect from now on, they won't be as harsh on me. After all, I am the oldest, so I'm supposed to be responsible, right? I think I've had enough pressure on myself to be this perfect daughter, especially when my 19-year-old brother is certainly less than perfect, yet they love him the same amount. I have this flaw of people pleasing, and I'm about ready to chuck it out the window. Granted, I will not lose my inability to reason, and I won't do things I don't want to do, like smoke weed or any cigarettes (yuck!). But I will push myself. I will challenge myself, and above all, learn from every mistake and experience I make, because then I can have self-growth--is that's what your 20s are for? To "find" yourself? Well, I'm ready. Bring it on.

Have you all ever wanted to make mistakes?

Friday, March 27, 2009


As I've mentioned before, I've had alot of changes going on lately. But I think the thing with change, is that it often seems to follow this pattern: I get excited about change, then in the midst of the change I doubt my decision and wonder what I saw in it that was positive and good, and then after the change is done, I'm okay.

A perfect example of this pattern was the move to our new office at work. On the Thursday & Friday before the move, I was excited, happily packing up my cube. Even on Monday, as I was unpacking my stuff and organizing the lobby area, I was optimistic. But then on Wednesday and Thursday when everyone else's offices were set up and mine wasn't--not even a computer or phone had been installed or was working--I began to doubt the new location and the new office. I began to bitch and whine about it all. Even when I did get my computer back on that Friday, I was still unhappy because I wanted my original keyboard. I had the audacity to confront one of my coworkers and tell her that she had my keyboard and I wanted it back. I wanted things the way they were--MY trash can, MY computer, MY keyboard.

My new officemate recently commented that I don't do well with change. I'd like to disagree. To some extent, I do not like change-that could just be the control freak in me. However, I think most importantly, is that I can deal with change, I just need time. Time to process, time to settle, time to adjust, time to analyze and absorb it all. Now that I've settled into my new office, I can say that I like it. It's growing on me. I actually am happy that the server is in our office becaues it keeps us warm. And the other day when I got too hot, I could open the window! And I have my hello kitty watercooler on my desk, and my own computer and keyboard and so I'm okay.

The same I believe is how I will be once I'm fully done moving out of my apartment. I was definitely ready to not renew our apt, but then when we actually moved out most of our stuff this weekend, I was sad. Sad, that our apartment was empty, sad that I was alone in the apartment, sad that I had to move, and sad that I didn't have a cute place like M does to move into. But, like the pattern goes, I just need time to adjust to the change of moving home. I will be okay that I don't see M everyday because I'll call her and definitely see her every week. I'll be fine that I don't have my own bathroom anymore, because I'll be saving money and paying off debt. And when I absolutely cannot stand my family and am at risk for going insane, I'll turn to my friends and to writing. I. will. be. okay.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Weekend Recap

I packed and moved all of this into storage
and then had an emotional breakdown about M leaving & leaving our apt and was very sad
so I cried on and off all day on Saturday

But then on Sunday I met up with S and went to Jazzfest Denver at Dazzle
and ate lunch at Pete's Greektown cafe where I learned he's dating someone,
a coworker with a 1.5 year old kid
and then went home to find my drivers license, and later saw Bobby, whose vocal cords hurt
so he took a painkiller, so I drove us to the store where we bought bread and ice cream
and we watched gilmore girls together and made spaghetti and homemade garlic bread. and i spent the night. again.

Friday, March 20, 2009

What a week

Man this week flew by. Here's a quick recap:

-Tuesday: Was a lazy girl, talked with M for over an hour at Wendy's about our life & future, our hopes and dreams...yadda yadda yadda. Didn't really get much packing done.

-Wednesday: Went out with Bobby. Originally we were set to go to Il Vicino, but then we decided that you can't beat pizza from Wazee's. What's funny, in a deja vu matter of sorts, is that a) the last time I was there was with S, and b) we seriously sat in the same exact spot as I did with S. seriously. Dinner was good, both the conversation and the food. I talked alot more and we ran the gammet with topics of conversation varying from work, to drinking, to religion. Afterwards, we walked around downtown, and went to the Tattered Cover where I got to show him the current issue of my magazine and which sections I wrote. I even saw a 'cuse alum in the store and randomly struck with a conversation. After the bookstore, we went to the the highlands bridge and saw a public piece of art and talked some more under the stars. Shortly after, I went home, but it was a great time. And good to see him during the week. I look forward to his birthday on Monday, but more about that later.

-Thursday: Took my brother to school, worked hard all day aka took a two hour lunch, came home and went with M to pick up moving boxes. I had posted on craigslist earlier this week asking for bigger moving boxes, and I got a great response. And I tend to like options, and so I overestimated the boxes I might need. But M put up with me. We grabbed boxes from a lady in Superior, and then headed to Lafayette to grab newer ones and padding, where we met this nice lady named Janis. She was so so sweet, had a southern twang, and recently moved back from Sweden, where her husband is still working. Both M and I were curious about her life story, so I suggested we get tea next weekend. She was such a sweet lady, I could totally see her being a good mentor. Then M and I packed until past midnight, and we're still not done. We have the kitchen and I have the closet and bathroom to go. It's amazing how much crap you have, and how much you really need to live on.

More packing awaits me. Oh joy. *twirls finger in the air

Monday, March 16, 2009

So not ready...

I was talking with a good friend yesterday who told me that she is going to be attending 5 weddings this year. FIVE! That's crazy. "There must be something in the water," I told her. I don't get it...I am so not ready for marriage. My best friend L got engaged like two weeks ago. Her engagement ring is her birthstone, not a diamond. I'd want the cliche diamond ring BUT I don't want to get married until I'm 30 just to defy societal norms. I know, I'm full of contradictions.

Even my lil brother wondered why I wasn't married. This morning as I was taking my brother to school, he said the most outrageous thing.

"Why aren't you married?"
"I am too young."
"No you're not, you're 24."
"Maybe in 6 years when I'm 30."
"No, 2 years."
"8 years."
"Then why don't you get a boyfriend?"

I have a feeling he's been overhearing my mom talking about me to someone, because that totally sounds like a question my mom would say. *sigh* Aren't 'lil kids funny sometimes?

For St. Patty's Day

The link du jour: How to Make Green Beer

Sunday, March 15, 2009


Moving is hard work. Now I know why I didn't move for two years. Today I finally started taping together boxes and packing things. And lemme tell ya, it's hard work. Not only is it hard, but it's like energy draining and emotional all at the same time. I did however manage to pack two bookshelves, and my entire set of dvds/vhs, along with a half-filled boxes of what my aunt would call "knickknacks." So I suppose that it's a start.

I am leaning towards reserving one of those P.O.D.S. because then I won't have to make multiple trips to a storage place--they will come drop it off and pick it up. I'm just worried about getting the right size. I didn't realize how much furniture my mom had given me--I have two recliners, two end tables, not to mention a dining room table set with chairs, two stools and a island type thingy, plus a couch. Oy.

I was planning on bringing my dresser home, but of course my mom has to put the kibosh on that. She's now decided that I won't be allowed to bring my dresser home, and that instead I get to use her 10+ year old armoire that only has two drawers and currently has a tv in it. "It's really meant for storage, not a tv, so I'll put that in your room." Great Mom, just great.

The one perk to them jetting off for Spring Break Training in Arizona is that I get to housesit. Yes, I always hate housesitting because I have to watch the dog, and get up early, but this time might actually be beneficial because....I'm planning on moving stuff into my room while they are gone. I've already decided to put my bike in the garage and stuff a few boxes of needed stuff into the closet. mwahahaha.

In other news, my dad comes home in t-minus 6 days!

Friday, March 13, 2009

Perks of the new office

-New office supplies
-Happy hour with the new neighbors today
-Free art gallery openings on the 2nd floor complete with free booze and appetizers
-Sun in my face still
-An organized desk
-Unlimited access to AIM and Facebook

If you couldn't tell already, I'm in a much better place today than I have been all week. Perhaps it's because it's Friday, or because I have the office to myself since my coworker is gone till Tuesday, or because I have access to Facebook and You Tube, or because of the new vase of flowers sitting on my desk from a friend or because it's PAY DAY! Whatever it is, I'm glad it's Friday!

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Hello Kitty has entered the building....

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

New Beginnings

Our office is seriously in a state of disrray right now. I actually was given the day off today because none of our computers or phones are set up yet, so that doesn't leave much to do besides unpacking boxes, which I couldn't do because the server is in my office and the IT guy was sitting in my chair alll day yesterday.

All I did yesterday was stack boxes of back issues in bookshelves, dust, and scrape off tape from my desk drawers. And don't get me started about the amount of grim on my desk drawer handles. Let's just say it took an average of 5 paper towels for each handle to get clean. The desks are L shaped, and the drawers can move, so that is a plus. That means I can rearrange whenever I get bored. The desks themselves are definitely old. Like circa 1970s is my guess. But, at least I have a job.

Our publisher was so sweet yesterday and bought each of us a little vase with red carnations in them to brighten up our work space. And she treated us to lunch. I definitely like how close I am to the bus stop, and I like that our new space has character. The bathrooms on our side are unique--one is all like stainless steel and the other one is fully tiled with fancy lighting and handsoap. The other company hasn't moved in yet, but they are supposed to on Thursday, so that should be interesting to finally meet our neighbors.

At least I might have the internet tomorrow, so that I can update more often.

Monday, March 9, 2009

Weekend Recap

Friday: Went out for Ethiopian food with Bobby, ate alot of wot and spicy lentils and even drank an Ethiopian beer. Then saw tons of art, and was seriously sleepy at 9. Then decided to have one drink with Bobby at his place where my car was. Bad idea. Ended up not making it home...exactly.

Saturday: Very hungover from Friday but went to church potluck, only saw a few of the ladies that were on the retreat, but still was good to be there. Heard a lady from Kenya talk about her life story, and tried not to throw up anywhere. Mission accomplished. Then caught up with M in my car and watched random snowflakes flurry around us for oh, 5 minutes, and then they were all gone. Typical Colorado weather. Went home, watched American Idol episodes and then fell asleep. I thought I was just taking a nap, but really ended up being a 5 hour snooze. Woke up disoriented at 11pm, talked with M and then went back to sleep.

Sunday: Had crazy dreams about the Bachelor and flying birds but managed to sleep in till 9. Yay for sleep! Took me awhile to get goin, thanks to the time change. Went and saw my old lady friend, and she's doing much much better! She's more alert and was even eating fried chicken, which I'm sure can't be good for her but at least she's eating. Then headed home, saw the fam, went to church and listened to the priest preach about immorality (sinks lower in my chair). Spent the night at home with the dog on one side of me and my lil brother on the other.

All in all a good weekend.

Friday, March 6, 2009


My desk is the cleanest it's ever been because there's currently only a pen, a cup, and a computer on it. I'm relieved that the moving is done. I finished loading all the books in my car today and let's just say that it now looks like I work out of my car. The entire backseat and trunk is filled with books that I need to take somewhere to try and sell back. A coworker suggested the Bookworm in Boulder.

Anyone else know of any good places to sell back (real aka not textbooks) books?

I'd like to unload them sooner than later so I can actually use the space in my car again.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

It's a no go

So the trip to Binghamton is not going to happen. At least not with me. At the end of January, L and I had emailed Gwen and she didn't email us back until seriously last week. Apparently she has more time to get her visa so she's not leaving until late summer.

Here's what she said:

Okay! I've been waiting to reply to review more schedules and figure out my weekends off. So far I have off:

Feb 27-March 1st
March 13-15
March 27-29

In general, I have every other weekend off, so continuing this pattern I would have off:

April 10-12 (this is a holiday weekend, I may go to Philly)
April 24-26 (Alex's birthday weekend, I may need to spend Saturday with him)
May 8-10
May 22-24 (MY birthday weekend)

I'm not quite sure when the visa will be approved, so I won't name any dates after that. Any thoughts?

Please keep in mind that I work the night shift...attempting to switch to a day schedule for a weekend is going to be rough, so give me enough warning so I can prepare :P.

WTF? Basically every weekend is taken up except the one in May, of which I can't do because I'm going here. And she never mentioned anything about "hey guys so happy about this, or "I can't wait to see you!" It's like seriously, I am not gonna waste my time working around your schedule when I have to take the time off of work, plan the airfare, pay for the trip--all for her to be like, hmmm that won't work? No way. I am so upset about it and L is too so we're just gonna wait a month to reply and then say we can't make it. Although in recent days Gwen did write on L's facebook wall and asked her when she was coming, but of course I don't get any mention. Which is fine with me. I mean they at least live in the same state, so L can just take a Greyhound bus up there. I, on the other hand, have much more planning and expense. What's funny is that Gwen got back to L right away when L replied saying that the weekend of May 8-10 worked best for her. Go figure.

I like to move it, move it

We're moving! I packed up my entire office today and it felt so right. I don't know, some people are sad but I'm in such a hyper mood--I am like yay! And everything is done and all I have to do tomorrow is clean off my desk--it's dusty. But it wasn't bad, I hated taping the boxes together but I felt organized, and I'm ready for the new space. I might not enjoy it as much as this one, that is for sure, but oh well. I found out I'm sharing an office with my coworker Shannon, who is actually one of the nicest people in our office. And apparently our computer server is going to be housed in our office, which is not so good, but oh well. There's not alot of space, but I think it'll work. We'll make it work. That's for sure!

All this packing has made me more excited to pack up my apartment. I know it's going be 10x more difficult because I have alot of crap, but I've never ever packed on time. Even in college, I threw stuff into boxes at the last minute. So if I pack ahead of time, I could actually be organized! And even label the boxes! What a concept! Hopefully I can start gathering some boxes this weekend and start with one room at a time--I was thinking I'd start first with my closet/bedroom. And then progress to the living room with my dvds and cds. And then last will be the kitchen. Does anyone have any other packing tips or moving advice?

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Girl Scout Cookies

Ah, who doesn't love Girl Scout cookies???? This year M and I ordered three boxes of thin mints (don't judge) and a box or two of Samoas. My personal favorites are the thin mints and the peanut butter tagalogs. Yummmy. I especially love eating the thin mints straight out of the freezer.

What are your favorite Girl Scout cookies?

Monday, March 2, 2009

Weekend Recap

Friday: Went to happy hour at the Rio and enjoyed in a wonderful margarita and veggie quesadilla. Caught up with M. Went to see a condo. The room was small but the lady and the location were nice. And I randomly met her Aussie bf. It was a productive trip.

Saturday: Slept in, wasted the morning doing nothing really, and then went to a potluck with M and her bf and saw girls from the retreat I hadn't seen in awhile. It was nice and fun, lots of good company, new people to meet, and games. And I loved their house but turns out I was in Five Points and I didn't even know it. After the potluck, I felt bummed about moving so I went to the mall. I know, probably not the best idea, but whatevs. I did save $10, and came away with a new sweater, a new pair of Levi's, and some other article of clothing that I can't remember at the moment. Went home, and partook in beef stroganoff courtesy of the roommate and the bf. Enjoyed lively conversation which included drunk stories. Very entertaining. Then finally headed to bed.

Sunday: Woke up early, went to church early (yes I did make it to church this weekend) and then watched Amazing Race and Brothers and Sisters and even cleaned my room (a lil bit) and then enjoyed brie and crackers with M and the bf. And pretty much just ate dinner, talked more with M, and watched the newest episode of Amazing Race. That's about it.

I did not see Bobby this weekend due to his change in availability. I really didn't feel like seeing him last night after 5, so we've made plans to go to First Friday (the art kind) on Friday (duh) with a possible lunch date this week (tba).