Rant of the Day

Sometimes I really don't like my coworkers.

Yesterday we were sitting around the table in the conference room, when the coworker who has stolen my food before sits down next to me and announces with a smirk, "I might have taken someone's raspberries."

I immediately ask her if she took some of the organic ones. "Yeah, are they yours?"

Yes. Yes. Yes. Why does this always happen to me?

She said she got confused and thought they were on her shelf of the fridge.

The sad part is that I hadn't even washed nor eaten any of them and had seriously just brought them in yesterday because I didn't want them to go bad at home.

She of course apologized and offered for me to take some of her "non-organic" ones. Which honestly were way mushier than mine--heck no do I want any of those!

And then today, my other coworker had the same exact flavor and brand of hummus...and all during lunch I kept thinking, WHY ME? DON'T STEAL MY FOOD! I didn't say anything, but after we were done eating I secretly checked the fridge. Turns out hers was on the inside door. (below)

WHEW. What a relief.


Have you had any lunch mishaps at work?

Acceptance & Rejection

The past two weeks have seemed like months to me because I've been running around like a chicken with its head cut off. Oh wait, that sounds gross. I mean...I've been like a goose trying to lay a golden egg. (Clearly a Willa Wonka & The Chocolate Factory reference).

That golden egg for me would be a new job. I obviously don't hate my current job. In fact, there are times that I downright--dare I say--love it. But the reality of my current position is that everyone in my office is old and will be here forever and that translates to me never getting a promotion with a hefty pay raise. That is, unless I want to be here forever too, which I don't, especially when I see that positions at other companies pay more.

It's obviously not all about the money either. But it's a definite perk. Having extra money in a paycheck every month would help with bills, but also aid in the process of me moving out of my parent's house so that I can have some semblance of a life.

It all started a few weeks ago when I received a LinkedIn request from someone I don't know in real life. I read her message saying her company had an opening in an office here, and would I like to talk with her? Sure, I had nothing to lose. I did a phone screen with her and that lead to an interview with an editor for a business-y publication.

I haven't interviewed for a job in like forever, so I had a lot of anxiety about it, but I did it. I thought it was alright. I didn't mess up per se but I also was nervous and could have been more aggressive. I didn't hear back from that one so I'm assuming I didn't get it.

I did that interview, then kinda just went back to normal life until I got another e-mail from the HR lady saying there was the same position open at another one of their publications, and would I like to talk with the editor of that one? Sure. That phone interview went well, and the editor said she'd e-mail me an editing test. Ya know, to see if I can actually prove I know proper grammar.

I looked at it, and not only was there an editing test but there was an assignment to write an article for their publication about this new bill and figure out who it will matter to and why. Let me remind you, for this publication, it's all about life insurance.

Um, it took me two freakin' days to figure what the hell an annuity was and why I care. Not to mention, I had to call and talk with people about this stuff and basically pretend like I know what an AMT (alternative minimum tax) is. In the midst of all this work I had to do for the article last week I met with the life insurance publication's group editor, whom I really loved. He was easy going and relaxed and just like awesome. I was super comfortable with him and I definitely know that I did my best in that interview as well.

After making my brain hurt all last week, I finally turned in the article and all the tests in this past Friday. Let me tell you, I was relieved that it was over. In some ways, I am glad I had to do all those things because I really made me realize I don't want to work in that industry. It's just not fun.


While all of this is happening, I've also had a phone interview with a different company for a position I actually want. I had my last face-to-face interview yesterday and I think it went well. I honestly can say I did my best and am just waiting to hear back now. My friend who works for that company said they really liked me and had nothing negative to say about my interview. She also forewarned me that the other candidate I'm up against has like double the experience I do (which is like um...why aren't you applying for OTHER JOBS YOU MORON).

I'm trying not to get my hopes up too much but I honestly do want this one. It's hard to go through all of this work of prepping for the interview questions, figuring out what to wear, and taking random half days off of work to go to these interviews. It's all draining and exhausting and you feel like you're never gonna make it.

I obviously felt like I was on a high when I had all these people wanting me, but now that it's all over, I'm like good riddance. I feel like my confidence has taken a major hit because I just found out in a one line e-mail today that I didn't get the life insurance jobs. Obviously, I didn't want them, but even saying that doesn't make me feel better. It's still like shoot...bummer...crap. But, at the same time, I honestly don't think I would've jumped ship to a job that I wouldn't really enjoy. Not to mention that office was like hella far away from where I live, and I'd probably go insane dealing with all the traffic on the highway.

I know that things happen for a reason. I know that I had to apply to a bazillion jobs before I got this one. I know the job hunt will be worth it at some point. I definitely am job hunt happy right now, and even might be motivated to write a damn cover letter (which is like pulling teeth for me). I know I can ace interviews and have valuable skills and am pretty much awesome. Now I'm just waiting for the right job to come at the right time.

Happiness, gratitude & value

Over the weekend I heard a story about how many people are impatient because they have all these demands--from their employer, family, and friends. No one says thank you. No one appreciates all of their hard work. Essentially, they don't feel valued.

What I took from that story when I heard it on Sunday was that I should be more grateful for the people in my life. As I was putting dinner on the table for my dad and brother, I stopped to tell them that story. And then I proceeded to bring up how we never help my mom out with the dishes after she's cooked dinner for us, or how I never tell my dad thank you for working so hard, and how my brother never sets the table. Sure, these examples are pretty small, but the bigger lesson here is to be more aware of those around you.

While I've been mindful of the people around me and all that they do, I also had another theme arise in my thoughts: value.

When I think of value, I think of "the value of a dollar," or the "value of that product" or how that coupon saved me .77 cents, making it a "great value."

But I recently realized that there's another definition of value that I've been missing. Value in terms of work.

While I was meeting with my spritual director yesterday, I shared with him how in the past two weeks, I've been so happy. HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY. That kind of happy. The kind of happy that makes me want to break out dancing and laugh like a fool. I told him how happy I am because of all the new job opportunities that have come my way, and how I can't wait to see what lies ahead.

I told him how I've imagined walking into my boss's office and telling her that I'm leaving to take a position at another company. I've pictured her reaction to my news and look of the shock on her face, and how happy I will feel to tell all of my coworkers that I'm leaving.

Two years ago, when I imagined leaving, I worried that I'd miss my coworkers. Now I could careless. I know it's time for a change. And frankly, it feels good to be wanted. It gives me validation of all my hard work in my current position.

When I told him all of this, he said, "I'm getting the sense that you don't feel valued at your job." AMEN BROTHA. Seriously, I've never thought of it that way, but he's right. I don't. I've gotten a ton of new work thrown at me, but never have had a positive comment saying, "thanks," or "I know you worked hard on that...it looks great." Nope. It's just expected, same 'ol shit, different day.

And frankly, knowing that I can be valued in other positions and situations, well, it gives me wings to fly so to speak. It gives me the motivation to work harder. It gives me the positive outlook I've been wanting to have for awhile. It makes me believe that I can do it. I can get a new job. I can move out of my parent's house and into my own place. I can be unstoppable.

What about you? Do you feel valued?

Happy.

I've had a lot going on lately....

....my mom went to Spain for two weeks, leaving me in a house full of boys. Surprisingly, my dad has stepped up to the plate and has made dinner (courtesy of Costco) and even cleaned the kitchen!

....I magically was approached with a potential new job. This lady found me via one of my profiles online, and before you know it, I had a phone interview with her, followed by a real interview with the editor in chief of a magazine yesterday. I think the interview went well, minus the fact that he asked for my references and writing samples and I didn't have them. It's between me and two other people for the position and I don't have a clue what it pays, but it makes me feel good to be wanted (professionally).

....For the other job that I really want, I'm in the second round, waiting to hear if I made the third round. Apparently they aren't even looking at my writing sample until next week, so I won't know till the week after that if I made the cut. But, it makes me feel good that they only asked 10 people to submit a writing sample, and from there they are narrowing it down to 3-5 people to interview. So I'm crossing my fingers that I get an interview.

....I've been looking around for a second job. Obviously, if I get either of the new positions above, I probably won't need a second job...but I'm really far behind on my whole plan to move out and buy my own place. This girl needs to save more money for a downpayment, and a second job would be the best option. Plus, when it gets cold here, my social life drastically diminishes, so why not work instead?

....Over the weekend, I went shopping & bought a new dress at Forever 21 similar to this one and had a lovely outing with M to see the changing colors of the Aspen leaves. It still doesn't feel like Fall here yet, but once it does, I'm going to revel in all of its gloriousness because it's my favorite season of the year.


What makes you happy? Or, what's something that you'd like to share?

Fear vs Freedom

Earlier this week I attended a potluck at Floozy's house. See, I've belonged to this local media women's e-mail list serv for like three years, but have never made it to one of their monthly potlucks or weekly schmooze's. I just lurk online instead.

Of course I was the youngest person there, but I wasn't surprised by that. My other coworker had warned me already about that. I had no expectations going into it, and I have to say that I had a rather pleasant evening. Wow, I sound old. I mean, I had an evening without awkwardness.

The ladies were all nice and all of them couldn't believe that I had been at my current job for almost four years. I'm not sure if that was because I look really young, or because that's just a really long to stay at a job. Although, one of them made me feel better by telling me that she had stayed at her first job for seven years.

At one point I remarked how I want to try something else but I also don't want to jump from job to job to avoid being laid off. "Fear is a great motivator," said one lady. It got me to thinking about all of the things I'm fearful of.

I don't know when I began to let fear in, but I would like to lessen its current role. As a kid I lived without fear--I jumped off the diving board and risked it turning into a belly flop, or rolled down a hill without worrying that I'd hit my head on a rock.

I'd like to get back to that place of total freedom, but today I took a small step--I applied for three jobs. I didn't let my inner critic prevent me from submitting my cover letter, and I wasn't afraid to put down the magic number I want for my next salary. I just uploaded everything and hit the submit button. It felt good.

A reason why I shouldn't use my debit card for everything

You know one thing I hate about working in a corporate-type office? It's when a co-worker who really is just that--someone who works with you but not someone you'd actually give your cell phone number to--asks if you'd like to go in on a pizza together while in the middle of a meeting.

This happened an hour ago. I was with my boss, our intern, and Floozy when our web guy busted in and asked if we'd go in on a pizza with him. The intern gracefully bowed out saying he already brought stuff. Floozy said sure, pizza sounded better than the lunch she brought, and my boss was definitely "in," commenting that she was happy she didn't have to venture out to get lunch.

That left me. I sorta nodded, but never really said no. Part of me wants pizza because then I'd be included in something in my office. But part of me also wanted to say no, because I hate pepperoni and I promised myself I would eat healthy all week. (Minus the cookie and side of mac & cheese I ate yesterday)

Then came the next dilemma: I had no cash. This always happens to me! I swear! We continue on with our meeting but in the back of my head, all I can think about is how I only have $1 in my purse and how I should've used my other purse today, because I'm pretty sure I had a $20 bill stashed in the bottom of that one. Thankfully, after our meeting officially ended, I left to go to my desk so I could google where the nearest bank was so I could get some cash.

Turns out the nearest bank to me is 11 minutes away, or so Google says. But then I freaked out even more (silently, of course) because 11+11=22 minutes total, and what if the pizza came already while I was gone?

So I did what anyone else would do. I nonchalantly grabbed my purse and strode out of the office and ran like a batwoman to my car, where I drove 5 minutes away to the Walgreens down the street and bought a bottle of nail polish remover for $1.59. Then I hit debit, and got $10 in cash back, ran back to my car, and sped back to work.

Whew, I was only gone 15 minutes. During that time I already made up excuses of what to say, should anyone ask where I had gone. "I stepped out for a moment." "I had to take a personal call." "I had to grab my wallet from my car."

When I got back, no one asked where I had gone, and no pizza had arrived. A few minutes later the coworker who was collecting money came by my office. "How much?" asked Floozy. "Five bucks per person," he said. I handed my money over to him while Floozy was digging in her purse. "You know if you don't have it today, you can pay me back tomorrow."

OH THE IRONY!

Weekend Recap

For once in my life, I actually got MLK day off. Needless to say I was excited about having a long weekend.

Friday- I didn't have any plans. I figured I'd just be 90 and go home and read a book or something. But I ended up having a nice evening out with my mom. We had dinner at Rock Bottom Brewery, followed by the movie Leap Year. The movie was predictable but cute. Not something that was amazing, but still nice to see.

Saturday- I slept in till like almost 10. It was beyond amazing. I <3 sleep. Seriously. I stayed in bed for a few more hours and finished reading The Tiara Club by Beverly Brandt. It was cute. Finally at around noon, I got out of bed and made myself some lunch and watched Project Runway. I had no idea a new season has already started! I had the house to myself for a bit, which was awesome. After Project Runway, I watched Kendra on the E! channel. I had never seen her show before, but it was the episode where she has her baby. I don't know if I'd watch it again, but it was at least something to watch. Shortly afterward, my dad stole the tv from me via Slingbox, so I had no choice but to get off the couch and actually do something. I took the dog for a walk and then came home and played Wii.

Sunday- I slept in, went to Costco, attended church, hung out the family, and thought about going out but never did because my friends had gone out the night before. Then I started to feel sick with a runny nose. Not fun at all.

Monday- The dog woke me up at like 6:45am. It was torture, but I got up and then applied for a couple of jobs. Yay for productivity. Then went out to breakfast with my family, where my mom lectured me on how I need to keep my room clean and how she wants me to help her clean the closets out. To which I said, no and no. I mean, who really wants to spend their day CLEANING? Not me. So, I conveniently took the dog to the muddy dog park for awhile, then headed downtown to have lunch with M at Pete's Greek Kitchen.

After lunch I drove over to Waterworks to get my car washed. I was so out of it, that I accidentally tossed my keys in the trunk. It was only mildly embarrassing, but it was worth it. My car is actually clean now (minus the trunk where I tossed everything). I didn't want to home home and help my mom clean closets, so I ended up going over to my friend's house for awhile. We took her dog for a walk and caught up. Around 5ish, I decided I should face my mom, so I drove home. I had forgotten that my mom was watching my lil cousin Ben, so that was nice. His new word is "nope." He says it in response to pretty much everything. After a few hours, I left and went over to Kristen's where I had pasta for dinner and caught up with her.

We basically agreed that we aren't going to live together. We feel like two weeks isn't alot of time to find a place and move. Not to mention that her apartment complex offered her a 1 bedroom at a lower price, which means it'll be easier for her to move. I feel okay with this decision because I know things happen for a reason. I still haven't heard back from the job interview I had last week. The interview itself went well, but it apparently only pays $10-$12/hr, which is a joke to me. Why work there when I make more at my current job? So I pretty much have decided I will turn it down. I'm supposed to hear from them this week.

As for me, I'm feeling sick right now. My nose is similar to Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer and I'm sick of blowing. I took some Zyrtec last night and am going to keep taking it to see if that helps. I also forgot to use my flex spending account to buy all this stuff, which sucks but I'm going to try and be more aware of it next time.

Besides feeling sick, I am so tired today. It was like death going back to work. Not to mention that we're on deadline so things are like not at all calm. I seriously bought myself a White Peppermint Mocha from Starbucks an hour ago so I could stay awake, because I'm that tired. I can't wait to go home, skip dinner, turn off the ringer on my phone, and pass out.

How was your weekend?

I don't want to be miserable

So not much to report here--the catering job interview went well. I guess they are hiring now but their busy season doesn't start till April, so my hopes of having a part-time gig now isn't likely. However, a future part-time gig is positive.

The other interview was a joke. I took four tests, each about windows or the internet. Like I'm talking basic stuff. And then I had an interview in which they told me more about the position. Basically, they said the pay is only $10-$12/hr and I'd be a contract employee. They thought I was a good fit for the position and I should hear next week whether I got it or not.

But here's the thing. After that interview, I knew I would hate this job. Like seriously hate it. I mean, I'd rather get something in my own field than do a crappy job like that. Granted some of my friends have said that it's better than being laid off and having no job, but if I'm miserable beyond belief, why do it?? So I'm not going to.

As for the moving out thing--well, I haven't talked to my friend yet. We've been playing phone tag. I'm pretty sure if I want to live on my own and still pay off the debt I have, I'm going to have to get a part-time job or at least start freelance writing again. That way I can guarantee I will still stick to my budget, but also pay off the debt. And part of me is okay with this. The other part of me is like, ew, another job. no. don't make me do it. But, the reality is, I need to take control of my finances, and if getting another job is the answer, then so be it. I'm just going to make sure I balance it all out. I don't want to be a workaholic. I'd rather sleep in and spend time with my roomie on the couch than work all the time.

Hopefully after I talk with my friend I'll have a better feeling if this is even going to work out.

Open Doors

I realize I still need to share some pretty hilarious stories with you all, but this topic takes precedence. Because it's like important. Like I-need-your-input kind of important. So here's the opportunities complete with my pro/con list.


Job: So, as you know, we have to move again in March, because the company that we share the space with now has expanded and basically wants our space. So I have no clue where we'll be, but we're supposed to move in March. That being said, my mom has a bad feeling about this and thinks that my company's going to just shut us down. Which I don't know. I mean, sure, there's only 5 of us left now, but our company overall has actually hit their fall forecast, which is good. But at the same time, we are in a crappy space, I'm not sure if the company cares about us anymore.

That being said, a week ago, my Dad heard that his company was hiring 500 people. So he asked around, and found out they were help desk positions. So of course he told me to apply. And I did, even though the last place I did customer service for, I hated. Like h-a-t-e-d. Because the people there were losers. They were all like fat or smokers or just like rejects of society basically. So I was like, great, why apply for this job if I'm gonna hate it? But apparently it will pay more than what I'm making now. And I do have experience. And it would be the night shift but I would still have weekends off. So I grumbled and I applied for it. And last night while I was at Target, buying bacon (cuz clearly bacon is a household staple) I got a missed call from an unknown number. You all know where this is going...it was an "onsite supervisor" asking me to come in for an interview either today or tomorrow. I called him back but no one answered so I left a message. He just called me back and I am interviewing tomorrow afternoon.

At this point, I'm like, why not give it a shot. Do the interview and see what happens. But is it worth working a job you (might) hate just for the money?

Fast forward now to my other dilemma.  

Housing. So right now I live with my menopausal mom and 9-year-old brother while my Dad is away in China. I moved in to pay off my student loan and save money. Well, I still have half of my loan to pay off but I have till May. And I have an interview for a catering job tomorrow, which could help supplement my income aka go straight to paying off that damn loan.

My friend Kristen wants me and her to be roomies. She needs to be out of her apt by Feb. 1. Which isn't alot of time. So, the pros of living with her is that I forsee us getting along just fine. She loves cake and beer, both of which are necessary characteristics of the perfect roomie. Her bf is out in Texas, so I won't be sexiled. And we both are poor (she's in grad school). I still don't know if we want the same area(s) or types of living (I don't want to live in another cookie cutter apt complex.) But we are supposed to talk tomorrow about this.

The pros of moving out this month is that my storage is free this month only, which means that I can put that $200 I have been paying towards the deposit of the new place (assuming I live with her). I could have my stuff again. I could start cooking again! I would be totally totally much happier. Just the thought of being on my own again makes me squeeeee. Actually, I don't squeeee. I'm more of a YAY! type of person.

So that's definitely tempting. But my debt isn't going to go away either. So do I risk the chance that I won't be able to pay off all of my loan like I had planned to by May but gain my sanity (and stuff) again? Or do I continue to live at home, continue to be miserable in my current job, and put all my money towards the loan?

What would you do? I need your input...ready...set...GO!

Oh Be Joyful

Yesterday I about had it with people. At one point, I actually told my coworker that I wanted to throw people out of the window. Oops. But I had valid reasons. I had stupid coworkers urgently emailing me saying they needed my help--only when I called to help them, they said they "weren't ready for me." Um. Not. Cool. Then I had a lady email saying she couldn't find herself on our website. I literally did a Google search, and what do I find? HER FREAKIN' ARTICLE. How people do not know how to use Google is beyond me. Then I totally forgot I was meeting an alum who found me on Twitter for coffee, and I wore jeans and a hoodie. Classy, and professional. I know. And then I was supposed to interview an artist, only I misplaced her phone number. And then I finally found it, only to have her not be at home.

But it actually all ended up okay. I interviewed the artist later. I got a free hot chocolate out of the alum. And finished all of the work I had to do.

Today I am literally the only person in the office today. And it's snowing. I had the bus all to myself this morning. Earlier I hated myself for not applying for this job I really wanted but I emailed them my resume and cover letter anyways. And I proved to myself that I can write a cover letter, which I thought was nearly impossible for me to do. And now I'm going to hunt down some last minute gift for my brother so that he has something to open on Christmas because I couldn't get my act together and spend hordes of money on framing his soccer jersey for him. Should be fantastic. At least I'm going home early today. And tomorrow I'm off, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day....Sweet.

How's your week going?

Flyin' by...

This week has flown by for me. Tuesday I saw that murder mystery play with Steve, who I used to like alot. We went to celebrate my birthday. The play was really good, I would see it again. And it was nice to see what he's been up to (read: not much). Last night I caught up with M over dinner at Red Robin, where we talked a bunch. Twas good times. Tonight I'm not going to do anything special really, just keep hunting for my lost bus pass and Costco card.

The job interview I had yesterday went well. At least I think so. The guy just sat there and asked me a bizillon questions for an hour. I felt confident and thought I asked good questions. He has other people to interview, so I won't know if I made the next round until the end of next week. And he said ideally, the person who filled the position wouldn't start until end of September/Beginning of October, which is perfect. Why? Because on Sept. 21, the boss of our "community" is coming into town. Everytime he's come into the office, someone has gotten laid off. First it was our publisher, then it was the graphic designer, and then it was production... So, essentially, I'm preparing myself for getting laid off, because by now, we can't lay off the art person because she's the only one left in that dept. Which means that it has to be someone from my department and I'm the lowest one on the totem pole. Sooooo...ideal situation would be, get laid off, take severance package, and then start the new job come October. Let's just hope I get the position either way, k? K.

Ummmm other than that, nothing else to really shout about. I'm glad the long weekend is coming up.

(Wow this was a boring entry. I think I should take a nap now)

Paranoia, Paranoia

Oh, sometimes I get paranoid about the stupidest things.

Take today for example. My boss is out for the day so I took a short break outside to read "Love the one you love" by Emily Griffin. Her books are addicting, because I always feel like I'm the main character. Anyways, when I came back into the office, my co-worker let me know that a client called for me but couldn't leave me a message. But the funny part is, my phone has the red light blinking and says I have 1 new message. So I go to dial my voicemail, only when I hit the shortcut button, it rings another person I work with who's based in Cincinnati. And when I check my voicemail, it says I have no new messages. All very odd, but it all made me paranoid that I'm the next one to get laid off within our office. I mean, hypothetically if I was the next to go, my phone calls would be forwarded to one of my coworkers in my office, not anyone in Cincinnati. But still. I'm paranoid.

What else am I worried about? My hair. I know, I've probably lost your attention now, but seriously I need to get this out so that I can sleep tonight and not have this nervous energy when I wake up tomorrow. So here's the deal. I'm turning 25 on Monday, and in celebration I want to do something drastic, unpredictable, etc. So I'm going to go from brunette to blonde. Not Barbie-doll-fake-blonde, but blonde in some form or fashion. I haven't told anyone besides M and my mom, who of course said don't do it. Whatever Mom, you're no fun. I just want people to be surprised when I walk into dinner on Saturday night sporting my new 'do.

This is my natural hair color.

This is what I was thinking might look good.

I used to have my cousin cut my hair, only because of family stuff going on, I'm not really on speaking terms with her. I have an old family friend who's cut my hair on and off for years, but I think she's too traditional, and I want to be different, modern, and dare I say--sexy. Can a haircut be sexy? I guess I'll find out. I didn't know where to go, but I knew my old coworker Ashley, whom I hated for awhile, is blonde by artificial means, so I manned up and texted her last week to see who she goes to. After several back and forth texts, I booked an appointment with her stylist for this Friday at this salon in Cherry Creek, a very affluent part of Denver. I know it's gonna cost $$ but I figure it's my treat to myself. And I want it done right. And apparently I need to bank on it taking 3-4 hours, which is how long it takes her when she goes in--only I have way more hair so I might be there forever. So back to my point. Now that Friday is a mere 3 days away, I am starting to become nervous and anxious. Anxious in a good way. In a way like "omg i can't believe you're actually doing this." But I'm also nervous. What if I hate it? I don't even know exactly what I want. I never knew there were so many kinds of blonde. I just want it to look good. To not look so fake. I hope it turns out okay.

Have you ever made a dramatic change in your hairstyle?

WTF Tuesday

Seriously I don't understand why my Tuesdays always feel like Mondays and my Mondays feel like Tuesdays. It makes no sense.

Here's the deal kiddos, I'm in all sorts of a panic right now. I don't know exactly why but here's the deets:

1) I'm freaking out about finding a new job. HOLD ME. Yes, I have a job. I'm lucky to be employed right now, especially in this crapastic economy. But there's been more lay offs at work (mainly when I was in China) and it's got me really thinking it's only a matter of time before I'm next. And I don't want to be that person that just sits around and waits for it. I want to be the person that says "see ya suckas, I'm outta here!" and beat them to the punch. So I've been saying for months I'm going to start looking, start applying, yada yada yada. Only now it's becoming a reality. I applied for three jobs last night, and all I kept thinking was, "did my cover letter suck?" "do I really want do to this?" "what if I get an interview?" "what if they don't like me?" and so on. It really wasn't the best of times. That and I've learned that I really hate writing a cover letter. Like I have real hate for it. So much hate for it that the last real cover letter I wrote was oh, about three years ago. That's not good people. Not gonna do. Which means someone needs to liquor me up so I can write a proper one. Any takers?

2) Moving on....I'm also freaking out about B. Yes, I know I said I wasn't gonna see B anymore. I know that. But hear me out. We had dinner and a walk last week, and it was great. Like just really relaxing and I felt like myself (even tho I wasn't, I was so nervous and so I talked the entire time until the beer I drank made me normal again) and he told me he missed me while I was gone and I think he meant it. After our "date" or whatever you want to call it, I realized that I like him again. Which is not good because before I left for China, I was just having fun with no strings attached. Now all of a sudden I care if he's seeing other people (which he isn't).

I talked this over today with Linda over gchat, and basically this is what I've come up with. I blame my hormones for liking him again, but with my birthday coming up at the end of the month, I expect him to do something for my birthday. Which isn't good because I'm not his girlfriend. I guess we're dating? I have no clue. But here's the deal. I figured out that I like him and I want him to be reliable, but I don't want to call him my boyfriend because then I feel the added pressure of being in a relationship. But I definitely don't want him seeing other people, because I'm not either. So where does that leave me? I have no fucking clue. All I know is that I can't shut my mouth so I'm going to ask him about where he sees us at tomorrow when I see him for dinner.

Speaking of boys--I've been texting a guy I knew from h.s. lately. He's definitely been hitting on me which is flattering but he lives in Vermont, so there's no chance of that working out. But still, a compliment is a compliment.

3) I had something happen last night that was terrible, like TMI terrible, so stay tuned to TMI Thursday, because you're gonna wanna hear this one. It's disturbing.

I know I've been complaining all this time, so to lighten things up a bit, here's something that made me actually smile today. We all know how much I heart Taylor Swift--here she is playing a prank on the hot, hot, Keith Urban:

Summer?

Life in the hippie city has been great all week, yes I know it's only Tuesday, but still. During my lunch hour I got around to contemplating why this week is so great. Well, here's the main reason: all the college kids are either a) graduated or b) on summer break away from this lovely city. What does this mean to me? Well, since I work in said city, it means I can stretch out on my bus rides to and from work, I can roam Pearl St. Mall and actually get a spot to sit, and it's definitely less crowded for happy hours. YESSSSS. Other reasons why I love summer: I tan easily (awesome) but always wear sunscreen (or not), love the fresh air, swimming, garage sales, and all the festivals which I love aren't too far away.

Things I'm over: library fines & volunteering. I seriously owe the library $7 now all because for each book that is overdue, it's 20 cents a day. Multiply that by a bunch of books, and well, you get the idea. Boo to that. Seriously, I'm the library's best customer, I'm always checking out books, why can't they just cut me some slack!?! As for the volunteering thing--well, I'm burnt out, if it's possible. I have a few different places I volunteer at - mainly my weekly radio show & visiting my old lady friend Marie - but I'm ready to take a summer hiatus from them all. Is this possible?

Bummer Friday

The weather pretty much reflects my mood right now...and it's cold and rainy. Super depressing for Colorado, that's for sure. Not a sign of sun out there anywhere. And I heard it's supposed to be like this all weekend.

Today was sad, because last night Bobby and I broke up. Yeah, apparently we just "weren't going to work out." Oooookay....I just hope the canceling of our relationship on Facebook isn't broadcast all over my friends' news feeds. I don't have much to say about it, I don't hate him, I'm just sad because I thought that it was going to work out. Sure I had my doubts, but I do firmly believe that everything happens for a reason. I know it, and I just need to believe in that and focus on myself. I've decided that when I move out, I'm going to live alone. I'm ready for it. Besides all this he said/she said business, my laid off coworkers left forever today. It was their last day, and well, it's just sad.

I can't wait to sleep in tomorrow and cry my eyes out and regroup. Hopefully I'll return Monday feeling like a new person. Maybe I'll even get a lil crazy and get a haircut...I know, my life is so so exciting.

What are your weekend plans?

TGIF

This week has been so so busy and therefore, so long. Take for example, my three hour meeting today. Who does that on a FRIDAY? Anyways, enough venting. I need to recharge my batteries so to speak, but I have no idea how to do this.

What do ya'll do to recharge? I need ideas. seriously.

I'm in a Flower Club

Awhile ago while talking to SA (self absorbed) about work related things, she mentioned at her office she has a flower club. Each person brings in flowers for the people in the club; they have so many people in their office that she only has to buy them every other month. I thought that was a great idea--I mean seriously, who doesn't like flowers?

I decided to form our own flower club at the new office. I told my new officemate, and she was on board. We even had brainstormed about when we should start it. I suggested on a Wednesday, because I knew people would forget to bring in flowers on a Monday. Anyways, like most things that I think of, no one actually started it....until today!

Today, Floozy came in with Alstromeria's for everyone. We each got our own stem; mine has five different flowers. It was so thoughtful of her too! I think it's official now--the flower club has officially begun! Yay!

Perks of the new office

-New office supplies
-Happy hour with the new neighbors today
-Free art gallery openings on the 2nd floor complete with free booze and appetizers
-Sun in my face still
-An organized desk
-Unlimited access to AIM and Facebook

If you couldn't tell already, I'm in a much better place today than I have been all week. Perhaps it's because it's Friday, or because I have the office to myself since my coworker is gone till Tuesday, or because I have access to Facebook and You Tube, or because of the new vase of flowers sitting on my desk from a friend or because it's PAY DAY! Whatever it is, I'm glad it's Friday!

New Beginnings

Our office is seriously in a state of disrray right now. I actually was given the day off today because none of our computers or phones are set up yet, so that doesn't leave much to do besides unpacking boxes, which I couldn't do because the server is in my office and the IT guy was sitting in my chair alll day yesterday.

All I did yesterday was stack boxes of back issues in bookshelves, dust, and scrape off tape from my desk drawers. And don't get me started about the amount of grim on my desk drawer handles. Let's just say it took an average of 5 paper towels for each handle to get clean. The desks are L shaped, and the drawers can move, so that is a plus. That means I can rearrange whenever I get bored. The desks themselves are definitely old. Like circa 1970s is my guess. But, at least I have a job.

Our publisher was so sweet yesterday and bought each of us a little vase with red carnations in them to brighten up our work space. And she treated us to lunch. I definitely like how close I am to the bus stop, and I like that our new space has character. The bathrooms on our side are unique--one is all like stainless steel and the other one is fully tiled with fancy lighting and handsoap. The other company hasn't moved in yet, but they are supposed to on Thursday, so that should be interesting to finally meet our neighbors.

At least I might have the internet tomorrow, so that I can update more often.

Goodbye

My desk is the cleanest it's ever been because there's currently only a pen, a cup, and a computer on it. I'm relieved that the moving is done. I finished loading all the books in my car today and let's just say that it now looks like I work out of my car. The entire backseat and trunk is filled with books that I need to take somewhere to try and sell back. A coworker suggested the Bookworm in Boulder.

Anyone else know of any good places to sell back (real aka not textbooks) books?

I'd like to unload them sooner than later so I can actually use the space in my car again.