Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Growing up

Somedays I feel like I'm an adult full of wisdom. Other days I feel like I'm still in high school and a kid afraid of the big bad real world. Sometimes I see traits of my mom in me, like when I plan everything to a T, or research things before I buy them. Other days I know I have parts of my dad within me, like when I ask a friend why they are upset and give them a hug, or always try to be on time, if not early. And somedays I wish I didn't have parts of them within me. That I didn't inherit their faults. 

After struggling with "fixing" my brakes all day on Saturday, I was frustrated, cold, and tired. I came home to find two black trash bags sitting on top of my bed. I went over and opened them up, and saw momentos from my childhood and early years. There was my old pink crocheted blanket, my ballerina trophy from my recital, there were pictures of my best friend and I sitting on the black top at recess, there were my prom dresses from junior and senior year, and my old letter jacket. And they were thrown into trash bags. I wasn't pleased, because they used to be in a plastic tub. I packed them in one before I moved out of my house and into an apartment and put it in the closet in the basement. It's been sitting there for over two years now, undisturbed. Until this weekend, that is.

Sunday morning I asked my mom why she threw all of my stuff into trash bags. "Oh, well I needed that bin for my stuff," she said. "Well, why can't I just keep this stuff downstairs in the closet? Why does it have to be in my room?" I asked. "No, no, no, I don't want any of your stuff in my house. Get it out." I was hurt by this. I mean, seriously, what parent doesn't want their kid's old stuff? I just don't get it. If I ever am a parent, I won't make my kid take all of their stuff with them. I mean, seriously, it was ONE BIN. It's not even like I was taking up the entire closet. She told my other brother who's 20, the same thing, that he needed to take his stuff with him too. It makes no sense to me. Yes, they are my things. Things she didn't need to go through btw. But is it really that much to ask that I can keep ONE BIN full of stuff at the house? It's not like my house is filled to the gills with junk. It's not at all. There's plenty of room. Maybe on a deeper level I don't want to accept that the house I grew up in is no longer my home. Maybe I don't want to grow up and part with my childhood self. But I've always known I can't be there forever and I look forward to the day when I move out and can be on my own again. Hell, I can't wait till I have my own place to call home, even if that means I'll be in debt forever.

It can just be really frustrating when you live with your parents and I think my mom is being insensitive but she got her way. My stuff is still sitting in my room, along with my luggage that she won't let me keep downstairs,  a pile of books that she won't let me put on the bookshelf, and a couple of boxes. My room is getting too crowded with all of my stuff, so I think sometime soon I'm going to get access to my P.O.D. and put it all in there. That way I can at least see my floor again.


Andhari said...

I understand why you're upset, I would be too. I personally think our parents house should always be our home too even though we don't live there. I mean most parents I know will let their kids leave stuff at their home, so there's still a part of them that somehow is still in the house.

Idk, maybe your mom sees it differently or something, not that I'm judging. But like you, I'll keep the old school stuff too :) I wanna show them to ny grand kids someday..:)

Kez said...

I remember when I was first moving out. Things were a bit rocky with my parents and I was moving out with my boyfriend of a couple of months (my first time living out of home). My mum got really mercenary and told me how I was on my own & wasn't going to help me anymore as I was with my BF (now husband who they love).

After a while my mum softened, but sometimes it did hurt when she made me remove every trace of myself from my old bedroom! She redecorated only days after I left. Ouch!

Luckily we have a fantastic relationship now but I think I know how you feel.

Anonymous said...

that would bug me too. i moved out of my parents house a week and a half ago, and i definitely left some old photos and yearbooks. they have a whole house; i only have one room for all my things. my brother is supposed to move into my old room...i wonder if they'll ask me to take the stuff with me?

Wonderful said...

Andi- I'm glad you agree with me. I agree with you, that our parents house should always be our home too even if we don't live there.

Kez- I definitely think my relationship with my mom especially will improve when I'm out on my own again.

imerika- I don't know, but don't be surprised if they pack it all up and store it.

The Bad Yogi said...

Well, as a parent of 3 moved-out kids (1 still at home, she's 11) I gots me a couple of thoughts:
1) Unless the house is tiny, there's no reason not to have some space for kid's stuff, esp. while they are still living at home! Unless they are trying to get you to move out. Which is what it sounds like they're trying to do.
2) After they move out, but before they have a semi-permanent place, see #1.
3) Once they have their own S-PP, space for their stuff shrinks to "whatever the parents want to keep" (we call it "treasures"), plus some space for "I'll need that someday, but I don't have room for it yet." Things like giant stuffed animals are specifically EXCLUDED from that category.

WARNING: Some parents have such a hard time with their kids growing up, that they try to push them out. Kind of like the teenaged ones do before they CAN move out :-) But in reverse.

Wonderful said...

The Bad Yogi- I think you hit it right on the head--she wants me to move out. Your comment was very insightful! Thank you!