Thursday, August 12, 2010

Fear vs Freedom

Earlier this week I attended a potluck at Floozy's house. See, I've belonged to this local media women's e-mail list serv for like three years, but have never made it to one of their monthly potlucks or weekly schmooze's. I just lurk online instead.

Of course I was the youngest person there, but I wasn't surprised by that. My other coworker had warned me already about that. I had no expectations going into it, and I have to say that I had a rather pleasant evening. Wow, I sound old. I mean, I had an evening without awkwardness.

The ladies were all nice and all of them couldn't believe that I had been at my current job for almost four years. I'm not sure if that was because I look really young, or because that's just a really long to stay at a job. Although, one of them made me feel better by telling me that she had stayed at her first job for seven years.

At one point I remarked how I want to try something else but I also don't want to jump from job to job to avoid being laid off. "Fear is a great motivator," said one lady. It got me to thinking about all of the things I'm fearful of.

I don't know when I began to let fear in, but I would like to lessen its current role. As a kid I lived without fear--I jumped off the diving board and risked it turning into a belly flop, or rolled down a hill without worrying that I'd hit my head on a rock.

I'd like to get back to that place of total freedom, but today I took a small step--I applied for three jobs. I didn't let my inner critic prevent me from submitting my cover letter, and I wasn't afraid to put down the magic number I want for my next salary. I just uploaded everything and hit the submit button. It felt good.


Kez said...

Good for you - stepping out of that comfort zone! Good luck with those job applications :)
Sometimes taking on challenges that are scary or unfamiliar can be the most rewarding thing ever!

Wonderful said...

You're right! Thanks for the encouragement!

Heather Rose said...

You're an inspiration, lady. Seriously. I've been at my current job for almost 5 years. I am so ready to move on, but worry about leaving coworkers & starting somewhere new.

Making art full time is my dream, but I've got to have a steady paycheck. I work for a nonprofit, so the one I bring home now isn't really cutting it. Worry worry worry.

Good luck!

Wonderful said...

Heather- I seriously know what you're feeing. That's my fear too--what if I HATE my next job? I can't come back to this one. And that usually stops me from applying but when you know you deserve more money and want to buy a house and stuff, well, it kinda kicks in that you have to try.

I know eventually you will make the leap to making art full-time, and when you do, you'll do great things! <3

Anonymous said...

It's all about stepping out of your comfort zone, a little bit at a time. It's the only way you'll ever move forward and trust me, it's worth it :) Good luck lady!

Anonymous said...

I completely agree with that one woman - fear is a great motivator. I'm slowly learning to let go and do things that scare me . . . starting small (going to a bar by myself) and working up to big things (possibly going back to school). But everytime I accomplish something, I get a little braver . . .

Keep up the excellent work!