Thursday, August 12, 2010

Fear vs Freedom

Earlier this week I attended a potluck at Floozy's house. See, I've belonged to this local media women's e-mail list serv for like three years, but have never made it to one of their monthly potlucks or weekly schmooze's. I just lurk online instead.

Of course I was the youngest person there, but I wasn't surprised by that. My other coworker had warned me already about that. I had no expectations going into it, and I have to say that I had a rather pleasant evening. Wow, I sound old. I mean, I had an evening without awkwardness.

The ladies were all nice and all of them couldn't believe that I had been at my current job for almost four years. I'm not sure if that was because I look really young, or because that's just a really long to stay at a job. Although, one of them made me feel better by telling me that she had stayed at her first job for seven years.

At one point I remarked how I want to try something else but I also don't want to jump from job to job to avoid being laid off. "Fear is a great motivator," said one lady. It got me to thinking about all of the things I'm fearful of.

I don't know when I began to let fear in, but I would like to lessen its current role. As a kid I lived without fear--I jumped off the diving board and risked it turning into a belly flop, or rolled down a hill without worrying that I'd hit my head on a rock.

I'd like to get back to that place of total freedom, but today I took a small step--I applied for three jobs. I didn't let my inner critic prevent me from submitting my cover letter, and I wasn't afraid to put down the magic number I want for my next salary. I just uploaded everything and hit the submit button. It felt good.

6 comments:

Kez said...

Good for you - stepping out of that comfort zone! Good luck with those job applications :)
Sometimes taking on challenges that are scary or unfamiliar can be the most rewarding thing ever!
x

Wonderful said...

You're right! Thanks for the encouragement!

Heather Rose said...

You're an inspiration, lady. Seriously. I've been at my current job for almost 5 years. I am so ready to move on, but worry about leaving coworkers & starting somewhere new.

Making art full time is my dream, but I've got to have a steady paycheck. I work for a nonprofit, so the one I bring home now isn't really cutting it. Worry worry worry.

Good luck!

Wonderful said...

Heather- I seriously know what you're feeing. That's my fear too--what if I HATE my next job? I can't come back to this one. And that usually stops me from applying but when you know you deserve more money and want to buy a house and stuff, well, it kinda kicks in that you have to try.

I know eventually you will make the leap to making art full-time, and when you do, you'll do great things! <3

hellotaylor said...

It's all about stepping out of your comfort zone, a little bit at a time. It's the only way you'll ever move forward and trust me, it's worth it :) Good luck lady!

Ari said...

I completely agree with that one woman - fear is a great motivator. I'm slowly learning to let go and do things that scare me . . . starting small (going to a bar by myself) and working up to big things (possibly going back to school). But everytime I accomplish something, I get a little braver . . .

Keep up the excellent work!