As I've mentioned before, I've had alot of changes going on lately. But I think the thing with change, is that it often seems to follow this pattern: I get excited about change, then in the midst of the change I doubt my decision and wonder what I saw in it that was positive and good, and then after the change is done, I'm okay.
A perfect example of this pattern was the move to our new office at work. On the Thursday & Friday before the move, I was excited, happily packing up my cube. Even on Monday, as I was unpacking my stuff and organizing the lobby area, I was optimistic. But then on Wednesday and Thursday when everyone else's offices were set up and mine wasn't--not even a computer or phone had been installed or was working--I began to doubt the new location and the new office. I began to bitch and whine about it all. Even when I did get my computer back on that Friday, I was still unhappy because I wanted my original keyboard. I had the audacity to confront one of my coworkers and tell her that she had my keyboard and I wanted it back. I wanted things the way they were--MY trash can, MY computer, MY keyboard.
My new officemate recently commented that I don't do well with change. I'd like to disagree. To some extent, I do not like change-that could just be the control freak in me. However, I think most importantly, is that I can deal with change, I just need time. Time to process, time to settle, time to adjust, time to analyze and absorb it all. Now that I've settled into my new office, I can say that I like it. It's growing on me. I actually am happy that the server is in our office becaues it keeps us warm. And the other day when I got too hot, I could open the window! And I have my hello kitty watercooler on my desk, and my own computer and keyboard and so I'm okay.
The same I believe is how I will be once I'm fully done moving out of my apartment. I was definitely ready to not renew our apt, but then when we actually moved out most of our stuff this weekend, I was sad. Sad, that our apartment was empty, sad that I was alone in the apartment, sad that I had to move, and sad that I didn't have a cute place like M does to move into. But, like the pattern goes, I just need time to adjust to the change of moving home. I will be okay that I don't see M everyday because I'll call her and definitely see her every week. I'll be fine that I don't have my own bathroom anymore, because I'll be saving money and paying off debt. And when I absolutely cannot stand my family and am at risk for going insane, I'll turn to my friends and to writing. I. will. be. okay.