Tuesday, June 10, 2008

1, 2, 3 updates from the list

1. Best friend is mad at me....
2. Learned about myself in Paris, both good and bad.
3. Learned that I love tape recording--seriously, I know, so old school, yet so so cool.

I took my old school tape recorder with me on my adventures in France, and I have to say--I loved it! I loved recording and telling stories and didn't think it was awkward at all. I think it was definitely time efficient. Perhaps in my next job I can incorporate my enjoyment of recording/talking in some aspect. That'd be cool.

So on Wednesday of last week M and I were reminiscing about Paris over glasses of wine, M made a comment about how I was fully engaged in life, how I was living life, and how I was so sure of my decisions. Of course I wanted examples of this, but M is a thinker, and given my short attention span, I asked her to tell me how I was different when we came back, and she said when we got back, I was second guessing my decisions. Which I was, I was trying to figure out what I should do for that day but I couldn't make up my mind. And thinking back to Paris, I was definitely sure of my decisions. Like for example, I knew which trains to take on the Metro, and when I knew I didn't have alot of time to shop, I went into a shoe store, looked around, and instantly knew I liked this pair of gold and black flats. Anyways, the bottom line is that M complimented me on the fact that I was passionate, and sure of myself.

Now, of course I was like awesome. And somehow we got to talking more about the trip and L, and M mentioned how L and her had a mini heart to heart in CDG airport. And of course I told her how L said M was so nice. And then M mentioned that L might be a little mad at me. I was like, WHAT?? And you know me, as soon as I found that out, I wanted to confront the situation, so I waited till Friday at work....

...so Friday at work, I was on gmail like normal, and I saw L was on too. I messaged her and said hi, and after a few minutes she responded saying hey. Now, I knew our convos since Paris online had been stilted but I figured that maybe we were sick of each other--spending a week with someone can do that. Anyways, I expressed this to L, how I felt our convos weren't the same, and I asked if she was mad at me. L replied with a yes, and said how hurt she was that I didnt make any time for her and I to catch up. How not once did I ask her to lunch or ask her to hang out. According to her, I was always with M. She told me that she couldn't understand how a complete stranger like M could see she was upset, yet her own best friend couldn't, and how I made it abruptly clear that I wanted to do things with M such as our fancy French dinner. Of course after hearing this with my mouth wide open in shock, I asked her why she didn't say anything to me, why she didn't pull me aside and at least say, hey, let's talk later. L said I was always with M, and that there wasn't "the right opportunity." WHATEVER. So instead she waits till we get back, till Paris is OVER, to say, ya, I'm mad at you?? WTF? I mean, seriously, if I was that upset or hurt, you're damn right I would've said something, even if I was with someone else. I would've sat next to them on the metro and said, hey let's talk later. Or pulled them aside to say hey, let's go to dinner tonight, just the two of us. But no, somehow because I'm not a mind reader, this is allll my fault. She went on say how she wanted to tell me so many things, both funny and embarrassing, on the trip which made me feel even worse because I would've wanted to know that, it would've been nice to have a full-bellied laugh.

It sucks because just the other night I was being complimented on how great of a person I was in Paris by M. Yet L apparently hated how I was acting and who I was out there. It's like, I tried, I tried to connect, it's not my fault she chose to be alone some of the time. But regardless, I acknowledged her feelings, said I was sorry, and asked her if she was in the same situation again, would she say something to me? Her answer: maybe I would've passed you a note asking to talk later. *sigh* I went on to acknowledge how I know our friendship had changed, and how we have had our ups and downs and the importance of letting our friendship breathe and recover. I told her how I wanted to fix things right away but I know that I can't do that--only time can.

She forgave me and agreed with me about my insights into our friendship. And then we went on to catch each other up on life since Paris. I told her about going to the play with Jeffrey, and our lost luggage and she told me about how much she missed Matt. I told her about the new blog I'm reading about a 40yr old hippie from Boulder traveling the world for a year and asked her if she would ever do that. Of course she said, "not without Matt." *rolls eyes* I was telling M about this at the John Legend concert, and I said, even if I was in a serious relationship, I would go travel if that's what I wanted to do and I would hope that my partner would understand that and give me my freedom. I mean, of course it would be hard to be without that person, but ultimately, traveling for me is an adventure and a time for personal growth. But back to L, before she left, I told her about how hott country singer Chuck Wicks is, and her last line was "off to see the bf..." It's like RIGHT. thanks for that, thanks for throwing the fact that you have a bf in my face. Nah, that's cool...go ahead....*shakes head* oh friendship.

No comments: