Thursday, June 4, 2009

TMI Thursday: Spit or Swallow?

**Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, "how many readers can I estrange THIS week??" TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else's! For more TMI head over to Lilu's***

TMI Thursday

I'm popping my TMI cherry today with a post that isn't for the faint of heart.

Keep in mind two things -
  1. I can't spit to save my life. I blame this entirely on my mom. When I was little and tried to spit, she always scolded me, saying "Ladies don't spit. Go brush your teeth."
  2. I hate puking. Like HATE it. I usually only puke when I'm hungover. Which as been a lot lately. But the main reason I hate puking is because I tend to pee. I just can't help it. Guess I need to do more Kegel exercises.
This all happened on Monday. As you all know, I've been sick, and had a terrible cough. Well I woke up at 4:40 a.m. because I had to pee. I had drank too much water the night before. I rolled out of bed and as I'm going pee, I notice that I need to blow my nose. I reach over and grab some toilet paper, blow my nose as hard as I can, and flush.

Then I started to cough, Only this wasn't just a baby cough. Oh no, this was a horrible cough, the kind that makes your abs clench and your entire body shake. I stood up, thinking that would help. But of course it didn't. Instead, I proceeded to cough even harder, so hard in fact, that my face is now red, I'm crossing my legs to make sure I don't pee, and I have tears running down my cheeks. But I can't stop coughing. At this point, I know I'm about to cough up something nasty. So what's a girl to do? Swallow or spit? Well, I opted for spitting, but everytime I would try to spit, it wouldn't come out. It was like stuck in the middle of my throat.

Which made me think about how as a kid I wanted to invent this suction that you could stick in the back of your throat, which would suck up all the mucus, similar to the suction at the dentist. I mean how freakin' cool would that be? But I digress.

Finally I coughed so hard that I knew the mucus (I hate using the word phlegm, it sounds so proper) was about to come out. I spit as hard as I could three times, yielding next to nothing. And then the big one came. As I gagged, I tasted the nastiest shit in my entire life. And I spit it out in one big, green, quarter-sized puddle of mucus into the sink. Splat. I wiped the tears from my cheeks, and took a look at it. It was so so gross. Fucking nasty. So I turned on the water full blast hoping to wash it down the drain. Only it stuck to the sink like nobody's business. It didn't move. It was then that I did what any sane person would do. I picked it up. I scrunched my nose in disgust, felt its slimy texture, threw it into the toilet, and flushed.

Happy TMI Thursday!


♥Caroline♥ said...

I'm officially done with

Anonymous said...

TMI indeed!
Oh but that was funny!


Wonderful said...

Yeah, it was nasty. Never get sick.

LiLu said...

"And then the big one came."

That's what she said.

Delicious descriptive and violently disgusting way to pop your TMI cherry, my dear. Congrats!

mylittlebecky said...

gooo! i hate that cold hacking stage!

Andhari said...

I thought it's about something else.

Pardon my nasty mind.

I'd spit rather than shallow, that;'s why I have a box of tissue ready since it;d be best to spit on tissues.

Wonderful said...

yeah, spitting is definitely messier but better in the long run, because if you swallow, it'll just come back up eventually.