I'm lost

So the funk I thought I had emerged from, has returned. I have no idea why.

Last night didn't help it either. I went and got ice cream at Baskin Robbins for their 31 cent scoop day, and then came home and helped my little brother, who is almost 9, with his homework. That was until he spit in my face. Yeah, I don't know why he has to be a brat either, but I wasn't going to take that. Soon my mom got involved, there was alot of crying, yelling, shouting, etc. Then my brother left the house and walked barefoot down the street. The dog was barking, I was hiding out in my room while my mom kept shouting. Yeah, last night I felt like I lived in a volatile environment. Finally, we got my brother to sleep by 9, so I finally had peace and quiet.

So besides last night's events, I've realized that I'm just in a funk. Last week three people got laid off, one of which who started when I did, and the other is 8 months pregnant. She's my lunch buddy. I'm going to miss them. Their last day is tomorrow, so we're holding a goodbye baby shower for her this afternoon. And I'm going to take her to lunch.

All this lay off talk has made me think lately about what I would do if that happened to me. Obviously I'm trying my best to keep myself valuable to my company. I'm the only one in my office that knows how to Twitter and all about Facebook, and how to update the website. But, if it happened--if I was laid off--what would I do? I.have.no.clue. I've thought before of changing jobs, and industries, but when it comes down to it, I don't know. I don't know alot of things lately, and it's frustrating. I don't like feeling lost. I want to be excited about things, but I'm not at all.

Does anyone else ever feel this way?

I've also thought that maybe I'm unhappy living at home. But I don't know if that's true either. Obviously I know my mom is pre-menopausal, and my brother is brat, but I love my dog. I can't wait for my dad to come back from China next month.

All of this stress from work/funk, has made me want to get away. Like even for a day. Since the Vancouver trip is off, I've decided to get my money back, and book a trip to New Mexico this summer, at the end of May or in early June. I want to see this church that has stairs without nails in it, and see all the mountain scenery. I want to go to Santa Fe and see the art galleries, and buy some native american fetishes. And I want to relax. I know this isn't an immediate solution to my woes, but it'll be something to look foward to.

As for my temporary solution, I've already consulted with M, and I know I have several options of staying with friends for a day and getting some alone time. I might even drive up to the mountains and journal. I've already read a book this week, so I'm ready for something else to distract my mind. I know I will emerge from this dark hole, but I just don't know when.

At least L is talking to me again--we haven't talked in 2 weeks. *sigh*

No More Gossip

I've stopped reading my daily dose of gossip but of course I will still keep watching Gossip Girl. My homepage still displays highlights from People, but I'm no longer reading Perez's site or anything else relating to gossip. I just think it's a waste of time. Who cares about Heidi & Spencer's "wedding" or who had kid #4? I don't. Sure, I used to read these sites daily, even checking them more than twice a day. But since reading Lovely Bones two weekends ago, I've realized how fragile life is. Meaning, I shouldn't be wasting my time reading about stupid celebrities when I could be doing more meaningful things.

I do get that everyone needs time to unwind and relax, and maybe some people choose to read about other people's lives to escape their own. I get that, but if you think about it, the celebrity/gossip industry wouldn't even be popular if it weren't for us, everyday-joe schmoe-people. If we stop caring, the industry will collapse. As for my ways to unwind, I've realized I love writing in my journal, and sleeping.

Oh dear

Today was one of those days. I woke up at the absurd time of 7:40 a.m. due to the dog barking and my brother shouting at the top of his lungs about not going to his football game and my mom trying to bribe him with breakfast. After finally admitting defeat and getting out of bed, I went to the 9news Health Fair to get my blood work done. That was productive, and then went to breakfast with my mom at the Egg & I where I saw this girl from grade school! I didn't even recognize her, but apparently she knew me right away. Once she told me her name and how she knew me, memories came flooding back. She looks alot different now; apparently I must look the same cuz she said she knew it was me from the minute I stepped in the restaurant. Go figure.

Anyways, after breakfast I rushed home and got ready because I thought today was the day I was going to the college fair. Syracuse asked me and K to volunteer, and I thought it was today. Yea, key word there is thought. I arrived early, then walked all over campus to try and find signs saying college fair. I couldn't find anything, except a huge swim meet happening. Then it was 1, and I freaked out because I HATE being late, so I frantically called K like three times, left three different messages, still no answer. Then I got my mom to look up the email for me with the location. Well, turns out it's TOMORROW. Yeah, I'm a big idiot. At least I know where it will be now, and I won't be late tomorrow. But still, this is so me. Only I would have the wrong day. While this doesn't happen alot, it has happened in the past. Especially this one time when I was looking for jobs after graduation. I totally missed an interview. I wrote down the wrong day, and they even called to see if I had forgotten, and I admitted I had the wrong day. It was embarrassing, unprofessional, and yea, I never got that job nor another interview.

At least the rest of the day will be spent being productive-cleaning out my car and doing laundry.

Canceled.

Over the weekend I was in a major funk. I think what set things off was the crappy weather (read: snow & rain & no sun) and the fact that my friend, SA (self absorbed) canceled our Vancouver trip. I was so upset all weekend because I was excited for that trip. I had already bought my airfare at a great rate, and I was ready for a weekend away. She's canceling because she "didn't realize how busy that weekend is" for her, with it being mother's day and all. I think that's a crappy excuse personally, because she was the one that initiated this whole trip. It was HER idea to schedule it that weekend. She KNEW it was mother's day weekend, but that worked for her. We planned this out months in advance, all for it to fall through.

I know I have options. I could:

1. Cancel my airfare & get my money back.
2. Apply said airfare to a different destination/trip. The problem is that I am not excited about going anywhere. I don't want to go to NYC because all my friends work now and I don't feel like going. I could go to DC but idk if I wanna do that either. I don't want to go to California.
   
3. I could just say screw it and go to Seattle by myself. I would just do it to prove a point, but that probably wouldn't be that fun.
   

What should I do? At this point, I'm just ready to give up, and get my money back, even tho that still sucks. Maybe I'm not meant to travel this year--both trips I had planned--Binghamton, NY & now this one--have been canceled. *sigh*

What I've been up to

• Bobby & I made it official that we're together on Facebook.
• I played fashion bingo for the first time with M on Monday at a bar downtown. It's free to play, it's every Monday, and they have $1 Miller Lite on special. I love bingo, but I'm kinda hardcore. I don't own my own blotters or anything but I like to win. We didn't win, but it was fun going. And we caught up over dinner at the Hornet.
• I finally went back to Jazzercise on Tuesday--man am I sore. But it felt good to be back, and I plan on going regularly again.
• Work has been crazy--they laid off 3 people on Monday. Apparently I'm on the safe list, but I'm still scared. Everything is so corporate. Now I know why people hate corporate America--you're not a person, just a number.
  
• Last night I felt like going for a walk, so I went down to Sloan's Lake with Bobby. Man, I didn't realize how freakin' huge that lake is. It took us 45 min to do one lap, but it was worth it. I rewarded my hard work with some waffle cone ice cream--probably counter productive, but it was darn good.
  
• Tonight I'm headed to Jazzercise & hopefully going to bed early.

I wish...

I want this piece of art, like whoa. It's only like $800 too. Too bad I don't have my old freelance job, that could've helped. Although, my mom is convinced that I should waitress this summer, to "make more money." I don't know...I've done catering but never waitressing. And what if I get like really mean people? or a table full of drunk guys? No thanks. BUT, if you told me that I'd make $800 in a short amount of time (read: less than a week) I would do it...but only for this painting.

Tax Day Freebies

- MaggieMoo's Ice Cream & Treatery is giving customers a free scoop of ice cream Wednesday. Head to the site for store locations.

- Like Cinnabon? The store is giving away free "Tax Day Bites," i.e. miniature versions of its famous gooey confection. The promotion takes place today between 5-8 p.m.

- I've never been to Taco Del Mar, but the chain is offering a free taco on Tax Day. To get it, you'll need to head to the website and fill out a short form.

- P.F. Chang's is offering 15% your bill on Tax Day.

- Pei Wei is offering FREE appetizers with the purchase of every entree bowl on Tax Day. Choices include their spring rolls, crab wontons, edanmame, hot & sour soup, and egg drop soup.

Weekend Recap

I recharged over the weekend with two books and some peace and quiet. I even slept in on Saturday till 10:30. yeahhhh. I don't really have much to report; I was boring most of the weekend and stayed inside reading or vegging out in front of the tv watching stupid reality shows (i.e. the rachel zoe project on bravo). Other than that, I saw Bobby briefly at Confluence park, where I journaled and watched people fly kites. And I had a good Easter with mi familia. That's about it.

Work has been busy all day today, so I think that bodes well for the week- especially since I have something due everyday.

As for this week, tonight I have bookclub. This month we read 1,000 White Women by Jim Fergus. It's about this lady named May Dodd and her journals. Set in the 1800s, and basically they trade 1,000 horses for 1,000 women. And the women in the program, a top secret govt program, they have to make babies with the Indians or stay for two years. It's definitely a good book, but only because her journals are so down to earth and real. She has a great sense of humor--I recommend it. For once, it's not very sad either. You know I hate reading sad books.

Anyways, besides bookclub and jazzercise, I've got spiritual direction on Wednesday, and not much else. Just another week...

TGIF

This week has been so so busy and therefore, so long. Take for example, my three hour meeting today. Who does that on a FRIDAY? Anyways, enough venting. I need to recharge my batteries so to speak, but I have no idea how to do this.

What do ya'll do to recharge? I need ideas. seriously.

Clutter, clutter, everywhere!

Do you have too much crap like I do? Want to give to someone who might actually care and use it? Then you should go to Cluttercast. It's a freakin awesome idea. I personally realized how much crap I have when I moved. I definitely have somethings I could totally give away, like a pair of jeans and a cd holder. I think this is a great idea too, because this way I actually know whatever I've cluttercasted off is going to have a great home. And it's better for me because then I actually get rid of my crap too. It's a win win folks! Go check it out!

How to...

How to make stick deodorant...seriously, people do this?

I'm in a Flower Club

Awhile ago while talking to SA (self absorbed) about work related things, she mentioned at her office she has a flower club. Each person brings in flowers for the people in the club; they have so many people in their office that she only has to buy them every other month. I thought that was a great idea--I mean seriously, who doesn't like flowers?

I decided to form our own flower club at the new office. I told my new officemate, and she was on board. We even had brainstormed about when we should start it. I suggested on a Wednesday, because I knew people would forget to bring in flowers on a Monday. Anyways, like most things that I think of, no one actually started it....until today!

Today, Floozy came in with Alstromeria's for everyone. We each got our own stem; mine has five different flowers. It was so thoughtful of her too! I think it's official now--the flower club has officially begun! Yay!

Weekend Recap

I ended up going with Plan B.

On Friday, I got to leave work early because of the impending snow storm. I went downtown to the Vault for drinks with two former highschoolers and M. Happy hour was good, complete with grilled cheese and a salad for dinner. Yeah, it was a no meat Friday for me. It might have been the drinks, or just the sheer excitement of reuniting again, but we all decided to go out later that night to the Electric Cowboy bar, which plays country and hip hop. It was interesting, but I'm glad we made it. We also managed to leave a little after midnight and before the snow actually started to stick.

Saturday I slept in till 9, and then bid adieu to my Dad, who went back to China. Apparently his suitcase was 13 pounds overweight and he had to pay $300 since it was an international flight. I know he bought several new suits and work shirts, so I bet clothes were to blame for being overweight. He enjoyed his time here but definitely had trouble adjusting to the food. I guess in China he eats alot of noodles, so when he tried to eat a burger from GoodTimes, his stomach wasn't too happy, to say the least. After he left, I just lazied around the house, went to the mall, and grabbed chinese takeout for dinner. Then I headed to the Giggling Grizzly, where I met up with K and her New Yorker friend Jenn, who's birthday was yesterday. After a drink, we headed to Fado's Irish Pub, where we celebrated Jenn's birthday at 10 since it was midnight in NY, with baby guiness shots. It was at this point I decided to meet up with Bobby, because he was out bowling with his coworkers. After getting lost, I finally found Elitch Lanes, and had a good time watching people bowl.

Sunday: I went to church, since it was Palm Sunday. And then made it to the Women's Lydia Fellowship, which is a group of ladies who meet every month for brunch. I met these people at the women's retreat I went on back in February. It was a great time, with a good turn out. I was happy that I went, and I got to see M. After brunch, I was supposed to meet up with another friend but she got into a terrible car accident the night before, so that was cancelled. Instead, I went home and took a four hour nap, ate some dinner and then talked with another old highschool friend, Jewel, whom I haven't spoken to since last year. It was great to catch up.

I would say my first week being back at home was a success, but I'm not sure if that's because I was barely home this week or if it was because I have adapted. I think only time will tell, especially because I have next to nothing happening this week.

How was your weekend?

TGIF

Weekend plans:

Plan A: Snow, snow, and more snow. Aka no plans.

Plan B: But if it doesn't snow, or rather, it melts in time, I'd like to...
...meet up with a friend for lunch
...go to a church potluck & church
...see Bobby
...sleep in
...Call an old friend

What are your weekend plans?

It's snowing!!!!