Tuesday, February 9, 2010

I remember...

This weekend was exactly what I needed. On Friday, I was in the worst mood ever, which I would like to blame on my hormones. I was upset because I had gotten to work early specifically so I could help my practically disabled coworker into the office, only she didn't show up until like 9 a.m. I had waited half an hour for her to call, and didn't even eat my instant oatmeal because I was waiting on her. And, by the time she did call, my coworker who normally helps her, was already here. I was so frustrated that I basically wasted my time by coming in early, and I was grouchy because I didn't eat. I was so angry the entire morning that I made myself go to church on my lunch hour so I could calm down because I was afraid my anger would ruin my soul. Church did help, and crying. Don't ask me why I cried. I don't even know, but it felt good. Thankfully by the time I went to bed that night, I wasn't angry anymore.

On Saturday I drove up to Lyons, where I went on a women's retreat with M and our friend Theresa. I don't go to the church who sponsors it--I just go to their annual retreat. This was my second year going. Last year all I did was cry because a lot of changes were going on in my life--my roomie and I weren't living together anymore and my dad had just left for China. Anyways, Saturday went by really fast. I read a book, went for a mini hike up the mountain with M and others to a chapel, played in the snow, watched a couple of men ice fish, and went hot tubbing. It was definitely a good night but at that point, I felt like the weekend was going by too fast, and the retreat was too short. We stayed up late talking and laughing.

Sunday morning came way too fast. I was so tired. But after breakfast, we all rested for almost an hour and that helped. We did a silent meditation and read some prayers. Then we did a drumming circle. Yes, like with actual drums from like Africa and stuff. It was so much fun. I felt like a kid again. And, it's really cathartic. Like, if you have any stress at all, all that banging with your hands can take it out of you. I loved it. After those activities, I felt like my spiritual and emotional meter was full again. It was awesome. We left after lunch because I had to get back in time for a superbowl party. And of course as we're leaving, it started to snow, just like it did on the last retreat I went on. But it was pretty, and I made it safely down the mountain.

When I got home, I rushed to change out of my sweats and into jeans and looked up directions, and then hit the road again. As I was driving, I had flashbacks of a year ago. I definitely didn't have many readers back then, so let me give you a quick recap.

Last year I went to the same superbowl party, after crying all weekend at the retreat. Only, I had way too much to drink. I lost count of the cranberry vodkas I made myself because I was talking with a girl named Jessica, who later introduced me to a book club. I did eat, but I didn't drink nearly enough water, and by the time I had stopped drinking, everyone was leaving and the game was over. So, knowing I was buzzed, I left, because I didn't want to admit that I had drank too much. I figured since everyone else was leaving, I should too. So I put on my sober face and got in my car. I remember calling a friend of mine that lived in Jersey at the time, telling him I had drank too much and that I didn't know how to get home. (It was dark, and I was having trouble seeing my GPS). I remember him telling me I shouldn't drive, to go back into my friend's house.

But of course I didn't listen. I told him I would be fine and started my car. I drove out of her neighborhood, and was turning left, when I ran into the curb. I told myself to be more careful and thought nothing of it. (Later it turned out that I lost my hub cap) I squinted in the dark, driving, listening to my GPS tell me where to go. At one point, I was on a two-lane road that was very dark. I remember that all the cars behind me were going so fast and that I couldn't drive that fast. I think I was going like 30, because I was too paranoid that I'd get pulled over. Finally, I couldn't do it anymore. I had no idea where I was, because I was surrounded by trees. I called my brother who was in college at the time in Oklahoma, and told him that I drank too much and that I was lost and that I didn't know what to do and that he should definitely NOT tell mom. I cried. He told me to take deep breathes and said that I shouldn't drive and that he was calling mom. I was so mad. I didn't want to be in trouble.

While I waited for my mom to call, I decided to keep driving. Finally I made it into civilization. The first store I saw was a Walgreens. I made it safely into the parking lot and told my mom I was there. While I waited for her to pick me up, I went inside because I had to pee like no other. I remember asking the girl at the cash register where the bathrooms were and her asking me if I was okay. Turns out my entire face was all red from drinking and my mascara had smeared in the midst of my crying jag earlier. After doing my business, I went to my car. My mom showed up and told me to get into the car. She was angry but I thought it was funny, so I laughed. Then I got in the car. (Apparently she then went into the store and told the lady at the register that I was drunk and asked if it would be okay to leave my car there overnight, but I have no recollection of that happening) My little brother asked me if I was drunk and of course I said no. But he didn't believe me. Oh, and my mom told me I reeked of alcohol. Nice one, Wonderful.

We made it home safely, I changed out of my jeans, drank some water, and then threw up in the middle of the night. I was so hungover the next day, it wasn't even funny. But my mom never gave me the lecture I thought she would. She simply told me that she loved me and was glad that I didn't drive. I definitely learned my lesson.

So, this year driving on the same road as last year, I could actually tell where I was for one. For another, I realized how far I have come in a year. This year I talked the whole time to Jessica and other people at the party, and I ate my weight in cupcakes, but I only had one beer. I drove home sober. I didn't get lost. I am proud of myself.

All I can say is, what a difference a year makes.


Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...



Wonderful said...

Thanks, M.