Thursday, June 30, 2011

Another bites the dust

Two weekends ago, I went to the Greek festival with catholic boy...

...and broke up with him.

In the weeks before "the talk" we had made some progress.

He had asked me to be in a relationship with him on Facebook, which I was totally not expecting and said, "can i think about that?" My response didn't sit well with him at all.

Then we had a heart to heart and basically didn't bring it up again. I thought about his question though, and as much as he is a nice guy, he isn't the right one for me. He had very strong feelings for me, including butterflies in his stomach, but I worried a lot that I would never be able to return said feelings.

A week later, we had a late-night discussion about friends. I was thinking that maybe if he met my friends I could tell whether or not he could hold his own. I thought that would make my decision to be or not be with him that much clearer and easier. But when I asked him if he would be comfortable meeting my friends, he wasn't enthused. And when I asked him if I could meet his friends, he straight out said, "you wouldn't like them. they aren't like you. they are atheist and vuglar." To which I replied, "you are so sweet, I can't imagine you hanging out with such people."

After we parted ways that night, I couldn't stop shaking my head. Something felt off. Something wasn't right. I still don't know exactly what it was, but I have learned from my past that I should always trust my gut, and in this situation, my gut was telling me to listen. So I did.

He had never been to the Greek festival before, so I thought, the best thing I can do is give him a good memory of it. We went to the liquor store beforehand where we bought shooters of various alcohol, and stopped at a nearby KFC to eat some fried chicken beforehand. After all, you can shouldn't eat on an empty stomach.

We listened to music, people watched, and drank. It was enjoyable. Then it was time to have "the talk." He noticed something wasn't right but I didn't want to have "the talk" in public. I wanted to do it alone, somewhere quiet.

So I told him it was time to leave and went to this church which had a lovely garden. It was near where I had parked. I told him that something felt off to me and that I think we would be better off as friends. He cried (a tear or two) and then went into a bout of self-pity. It was pretty sad to watch, but I tried to reassure him it wasn't anything specific that he had done, we just weren't the right fit.

We talked and he asked me if I wanted to be which I said, sure, let's give it a try. Only at the end of the conversation, in which he told me he is an atheist (yet he didn't even know what that word meant when I asked him so), he changed that to, can we be friends with benefits?

Um, what? I didn't expect that at all, although in hindsight I should've known. He is a boy after all.

Fast forward to this past weekend where we saw each other for the first time since the break up. I had actually 100% made up my mind that I only wanted to be friends. I even suggested he come over and play cards. He did come over but he definitely pressed for more than friends, to which I had to reject him. I felt good about my decision and he was respectful of it. We did end up cuddling on the couch though. And let me tell you, he is an amazing cuddler! But, I have made up my mind, I am not going to go into the friends with benefits zone.

We are set to watch fireworks on Sunday. Hopefully it isn't awkward.

Have you been friends with benefits with someone you've dated before? Did it have a happy ending?

1 comment:

Kez said...

I'm glad you listened to your gut instinct. Hopefully will save you a lot of later pain and heartache!
I think the fact that you were trying to find ways to make up your mind about him meant that it wasn't quite right in the first place!
Friends with Benefits always has an expiry date. His feelings seem a little too strong for it to go well?
I was friends-with-benefits when I was a teen. We were both fairly aloof about it and great friends. In the end it fizzled out - helped that we lived in different cities. I'm glad it ended naturally and not dramatically. Not all FWBs end that easily.
He did cause me grief but more as a friend. He got depressed a lot and ended up going off the rails. Was sad but I realised it was no longer my problem.