Thursday, August 13, 2009

TMI Thursday: The X-Rated Version of Family Guy

***Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s! For more TMI's head over to Lilu's!****

Trust me, I have plenty of TMI's to write about China but this one needs to be shared today because, it happened on Monday night. Yeah, as in three days ago. So here's the background info. I have a younger brother who is 20. He's been on and off with his gf of 2 years, and before we left for China, he met a new girl named Carly, who's a sophomore. She apparently saw him on Facebook and decided to message him. I'm guessing the conversation went something like this:

Her: Hey you're hot
Him: No, you're hot
Her: *giggles* No, you are
And so on...

Anyways, apparently he met up with her before we left and while we were away he did webcam and Skype with her, along with his ex-gf.

Fast forward to Monday night. I get home from work and am on my way inside the house when I see him going to his car.

"Are you leaving?"
"Yeah pretty soon, I have a date."
"A date? Where are you taking her?"
"Chipotle."
"Have fun."


As I'm ending the conversation his phone rings and turns out she's at our house. Specifically in our driveway. So of course I sneak a peek to see what she looks like, but can't see much. About an hour later, they came back to the house, formal introductions are made, and I'm not really a fan of her mainly because she wore a super short jean skirt and slutty black shirt & her nose is pierced. Oh that and she's really ditzy, and she's not blonde, she's brunette.

Instead of small talk with them, I head downstairs to the 3rd level, where the computer is at. They head downstairs to the basement where my Mom and lil brother who's 9, are watching TV.

About an hour later, my mom finally gives up the TV because my Dad called, so she heads upstairs to her room along with my little brother. I'm still applying for jobs. My brother and the girl watch Family Guy, and I zone out.

That is until I start to hear what I think are moaning sounds. No, that can't be moaning. It's probably just a funny part in Family Guy. I keep typing and log onto Facebook and start FB chatting with some friends. But the moaning starts to get louder. Like, I'm talking porn-esque type loud. I freeze and my mouth drops, because it's suddenly hit me: Family Guy is not on anymore, and the moaning certainly isn't coming from the TV. So I immediately IM my friends saying there's something going on in the basement, and I don't wanna know about it. And then I hear "Holy Shit" and hard hard breathing coming from my brother. At this point, I think I'm going to hurl, because they must be finishing whatever they were doing on THE COUCH THAT MY MOM AND BROTHER HAD JUST BEEN SITTING ON.

So what do I do? I know they have to come upstairs to exit the house. I know that if I see them in passing I'm going to give them the "I-know-what-you-just-did" stare which will be so awkward. So instead I bail. I don't even bother shutting down my computer, I run as fast as I can upstairs to my room, where I locked my door and hugged my teddy bear tight and thought of anything besides my brother and girls and willed myself to go to sleep.

The worst part is that we use that couch everyday. My mom has no idea what happened. And the last thing I want to do is tell my brother I heard EVERY. SINGLE. THING.

Happy TMI Thursday!

10 comments:

LiLu said...

OMG.

If I ever heard my sister I would scarred.for.LIFE!

PQ said...

Um.

I shared a wall with my lil brother for years and my biggest fear was hearing him at night. Thank GOD I never did.

justjp said...

Wow, I could never sit on that couch again.

Wonderful said...

Lilu- I am scarred for life!

Justjp- Oh believe me, I am not. What's sad is that it's a really, really, nice, comfortable, leather couch. At least it was.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

You don't have to say anything. You can just, whenever you go to sit down, spritz it down with Febreze and then sigh heavily when your ass hits the cushions. Eventually, someone will figure something out.

Cassie said...

Oh geez! Flip the cushions over at least! LOL

Taylor said...

I would've glared at them when they came upstairs. But then again, I just like freaking people out.

Poor couch.

Andhari said...

Ohhh that's just disgusting, I have a brother and I certainly don't wanna hear anything like that while I'm at the house.

Ps. Short jean skirt and pierced nose? Ew, trailer park tranny much?

Wonderful said...

mjenks- Thank god for Febreeze!

Cassie- Good idea, I'll have to try that this weekend.

Taylor- I so wanted to. Or at least wanted my brother to apologize, but instead I turned into my 5-year-old self and ran upstairs. *sigh*

Andi- You read my mind about her. Totally trailer trash!

Jill Pilgrim said...

Oh.My.God. Hilarious!