Thursday, July 9, 2009

A update of sorts

I'm not sure what's going on with me, but suffice it to say, I've been pushing people away on purpose lately. Let's run down the list, shall we?

Peter- Yeah, I might've had a crush on him, and was planning on flying to AZ to spend the weekend with him next month...but not so much now. I totally forgot his birthday. Like, I knew what day it was, but on that actual day, I didn't piece it together that it was his birthday, so I never called, nor sent a card. And that never happens to me, usually I'm the good friend, with all the details. I even did this this year with my mom's birthday. Oy. By the time I remembered, I wished him a belated one and said sorry, but it wasn't enough. He's still "disappointed" in me. Which I can see why he is, but honestly, it doesn't make me want to send him a card now. I know I should, because it's the "right thing to do," and I keep telling myself I should, but I just haven't. Obviously, I don't want to. Sad.

I also ruffled his feathers too when I got reacquainted with my ex, B, and in return he's interested in another girl now. Good thing I never booked my flight.

M- I don't even know why I'm pushing her away, but I am. She's like my bff, and I just can't seem to get over my drama and be happy for her.

KS- I haven't talked to him in awhile, but actually did call him the other day, and it felt good to speak with him again. I didn't feel judged, and he had some good insight into things with B.

B- I've been all over him lately, and I have no idea why. I don't know if it's because I just want to fit in with all my couple-y friends, because I know he will give me what I want, or if I just like the idea of him, or if I just needed some affection. Either way is, I know we aren't together, so I can't keep pretending we are, because we aren't, and I have to remember that we aren't together for a reason (which I keep ignoring). In fact, I'm hanging out with him tonight. I know, bad idea. But, I don't least that's what I'm telling myself. And I'm going to reform and totally not initiate anything for awhile after tonight.

Myself- I haven't had any alone time lately, especially with a full house at home, and I miss the alone time. I've been really bitchy lately to my family, and I know it. I don't apologize for it though. I don't understand where all this hate is coming from, or if it's anything specific, but I'm happy to report that my uncle's going out of town for 10 days, and I get to housesit. Aka I'll have 10 days of alone time. Which I hope is a blessing. I hope I don't feel lonely and I hope I can remember what it's like to be on my own again. And, I might even make plans with friends I might actually WANT to see them. We'll see.


Andhari said...

Aww what's wrong?:( Sometimes stress and internal conflicts just ,make us a bit away and distance to people we care about. Hope you feel better soon. :(

ps. Honestly I think Peter just reacted that way out of dissappointment maybe over his birthday and you with your ex again. He reacted poorly I know.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for acknowledging it. I think we need to have a big blow out fight, and just say everything that's on our minds. Lets do that and then go see Harry Potter sometime next week? Yeah? Or want to come to the Journey Juju sketch crawl with me tomorrow?


Wonderful said...

Andhari- Thanks, I hope I feel better too. And I think you are totally right about Peter.

M- I think I'll lose this fight nice to me! ;)