I'm not sure what's going on with me, but suffice it to say, I've been pushing people away on purpose lately. Let's run down the list, shall we?
Peter- Yeah, I might've had a crush on him, and was planning on flying to AZ to spend the weekend with him next month...but not so much now. I totally forgot his birthday. Like, I knew what day it was, but on that actual day, I didn't piece it together that it was his birthday, so I never called, nor sent a card. And that never happens to me, usually I'm the good friend, with all the details. I even did this this year with my mom's birthday. Oy. By the time I remembered, I wished him a belated one and said sorry, but it wasn't enough. He's still "disappointed" in me. Which I can see why he is, but honestly, it doesn't make me want to send him a card now. I know I should, because it's the "right thing to do," and I keep telling myself I should, but I just haven't. Obviously, I don't want to. Sad.
I also ruffled his feathers too when I got reacquainted with my ex, B, and in return he's interested in another girl now. Good thing I never booked my flight.
M- I don't even know why I'm pushing her away, but I am. She's like my bff, and I just can't seem to get over my drama and be happy for her.
KS- I haven't talked to him in awhile, but actually did call him the other day, and it felt good to speak with him again. I didn't feel judged, and he had some good insight into things with B.
B- I've been all over him lately, and I have no idea why. I don't know if it's because I just want to fit in with all my couple-y friends, because I know he will give me what I want, or if I just like the idea of him, or if I just needed some affection. Either way is, I know we aren't together, so I can't keep pretending we are, because we aren't, and I have to remember that we aren't together for a reason (which I keep ignoring). In fact, I'm hanging out with him tonight. I know, bad idea. But, I don't care...at least that's what I'm telling myself. And I'm going to reform and totally not initiate anything for awhile after tonight.
Myself- I haven't had any alone time lately, especially with a full house at home, and I miss the alone time. I've been really bitchy lately to my family, and I know it. I don't apologize for it though. I don't understand where all this hate is coming from, or if it's anything specific, but I'm happy to report that my uncle's going out of town for 10 days, and I get to housesit. Aka I'll have 10 days of alone time. Which I hope is a blessing. I hope I don't feel lonely and I hope I can remember what it's like to be on my own again. And, I might even make plans with friends again...like I might actually WANT to see them. We'll see.