Independent Woman

I wonder what it means today to be an independent woman. I know I struggle with it. Take for example, dating. Now, generally the guy is supposed to pay, right? Well, I've talked to men about this, and often times men will pay, but they don't want to feel obligated to do so. They want the women to at least offer, and not assume anything.

So, given that information, awhile back, I was out to dinner with S. And when the check came, I said, "let me see it." "No, I got it," he said. "Are you sure? Cuz I can get mine--we can split it." "No, I'm positive," he said. "O.K." I just couldn't wrap my head around it, so I let it go. Well, then not too long afterwards, M and I were at the Denver Diner eating a late dinner when S texted to see where we were. S joined us and ate and we all talked for several hours until M was bleary-eyed and delirious. So then the check came, and mind you, M and I had already ordered by the time S got there. Well, what did S do? He paid! For both M and I! I really really didn't get it. I mean, he didn't have to do that at all. But he said because he was invited, he wanted to. That makes NO sense to me. I'm invited all the time to things, dinners, events, etc. If I go out with my girlfriends, we always split things. It's never, like oh, let me get that. So, I still hadn't said anything, just was like, ok, if you're sure...go ahead and pay. thanks.

well, then another time shortly after that, at the same place, S and I were there. I had already eaten dinner but he hadn't. We ended up ordering dessert--apple pie for me and cherry for him. So mind you, all I had was a piece of pie, that's it. And when the check came, I offered to pay for it. And he's like, no, I got it. And this is when I lost it. I had to, HAD to, ask him why he does that--pay. He said he does it out of the goodness of his heart; that he wants to pay. And I'm like, but that makes no sense, I offered and you said no. And he's like, "well, did you want to pay because you felt like it or because you felt that was the right thing to do?" and I said "well, of course I offered because I felt like it was the right thing to do. Because I'm used to splitting things when I go out or paying my share." And he said, "see, you should only offer to pay if you feel like it in your heart."

Of course this made me feel bad about not "feeling" like paying, which I told him. but I do get his point. and I even said, okay, I will pay this summer when I drag you to all the festivals I want to go to, because that is something I genuinely enjoy. Of course when I told my mom about these situations and how I was so incredulous as to why S paid, she said "shut up and let him do it."

Since then, we have switched off paying, which in some ways, makes me feel better. It makes me feel like am still independent, which is something I want. I don't want to be that bimbo blonde that is so clueless about things. No, I want to be the gorgeous brunette with a good head on her shoulders. The type of woman that can be independent and have strong opinions, but still be maternal and open-minded. I know this will take time, but for now, I appreciate S's attempts to pay with a smile and a thanks, knowing that I will be able to pay next time.

Karma's a bitch

So awhile back, oh maybe Januaryish, a good friend of mine invited me to partake in a week long cruise to the Caribbean. I was hesitant at first but she assured me that all of it would be paid for, even convinced me that we should go on the earlier cruise rather than the one in February. I figured, heck, if it's free, I'll go. Well, I was never entirely 100% excited, I was nervous because I've never been on a cruise, and I'd be around alot of ocean, which unfortunately, the ocean and I are still on the outs. Anyways, I knew she was excited, she'd IM me practically everyday and tell me so. Well as the trip was drawing nearer, and I was asking for days off from work, she changed her mind. All of a sudden she told me, "oh my boss needs me to work, so I can't go. I'm gonna lose $2,000. This sucks." Later, I come to find out via facebook, that she is taking the same girl she took on a cruise last year. Of course she didn't bother to be honest with me. And of course, I was honest with her, and confronted her via IM. No response. Seriously, all I wanted was an apology. Three days, three IMs, and three phone calls later, she finally apologized.

Where does karma's a bitch come into play you ask? Today. For the sake of the convo below, we'll name "good friend" as SA, for self-absorbed. Read the convo below....

SA: hey i have a question
me: shoot
SA: are you really really busy at work this month
me: well we have our peak times, and i only have one artist this month so it's not as intense as other months
SA: aww thats not bad
me: yeah
me: are you busy this month
SA: umm sorta kinda
SA: i have this issue...i bought a 700 dollar trip to the bahamas next weekend saturday-tuesday with my friend kristina and she cant go anymore....so i either go alone, find a new friend, or forfit....any chance in hell you'd be interested?
SA: it already paid for you just need 2 days off and to get to florida
me: aw man, i would love to but i'm gonna be out of town for a wedding from sat-monday
SA: awww i see
me: yeah
me: good luck!

Good luck indeed.

Balance

So I took my frustration and myself out to lunch with a coworker and vented about things, and basically what the overriding theme seemed to be was BALANCE. As in, balance of busy-ness, as in balance of alone time versus time with others, including family, friends, and coworkers, and balance at work--of freelance versus real job working. What's funny is that when I came out of college, I really thought I had the balance thing down to a T. In fact, I would help others saying, you'll just have to figure out the balance between classes and play time. But now it's like, I need to take my own advice. Of course now it's like a different level of balance that needs to be achieved. I wonder if balance will always be a factor in life. I'd imagine parents need balance between kiddie time and mommy & daddy time, or balance between work and family. So maybe this is my time to be on the receiving end of advice instead of the giving end. Maybe this is one time when I need someone older and wiser to tell me how to balance my life at my age. I hope so, because balance is an important concept and life lesson to grasp, and I want to learn it.