Today's post brought to you by the letter "M"

***Work is taking over my life today, so enjoy this guest post by my bff--M.*** 

Sooo, when Wonderful invited me to guest post the other day, I doubt that this was what she had in mind, but what I want to talk about this week are the people I’ve run across this week that need to be smacked.

1st – Lady who was in front of my sister and I at the entrance of Benny’s – a great Mexican food place in Denver.  This place is pretty much always busy and you kinda just have to live with the fact that there might be a little bit of a line leading up to the counter where you talk to someone who seats you.  That’s fine. What is not fine is when there is a drunken woman who is talking to somebody about their bill and the fact that they just love this place, and the servers are so great, and blah dee freakin blah blah blah.  For like 5 minutes.  Seriously lady!  Go tell the bartender or your server or somebody who cares! Or put it on a comment card.  Don’t tell the seating people.  Even the people at the desk were starting to look twitchy by the end of it, because while its nice to get compliments, um, their line was getting long.  The medium sized group of frat boys that came in behind my sister and I might have had something to do with it to.  I dunno.  But seriously. I really wanted to smack a bitch.

2nd – My dad.  Freakin’ man is over 50, and while his youthful exuberance (read: ADHD) has its positives sometimes, mostly its just annoying.  And the fact that he can’t do his own taxes at this point and is getting my mom (who by the way, divorced him like 10 years ago) and my sister to do them for him.  And thinks he needs to micromanage.  Um.  If you wanted control, dad, shoulda just manned up in the first place and got ‘er done.  Smack.

3rd – Frickin’ engineers.  Okay.  I am a geek.  I know many geeks.  I date a geek.  I love geeks.  I would love to know all the things they know.  I’d love to even understand a little bit all of the things some of them know!  But omg.  I would like to line up every engineer I know (and I have relatives, friends, and co-workers who are engineers, so this would be a line to rival the one at benny’s the other day) and get a good running start and go down the line and do some smackage because they are so picky.  And lately I have been the target of the pickiness of more than a few of them. Just cause they're smart in one area, they think they know damn near everything.  Sorry – no.  And engineer co-worker-who-shall-remain-nameless, I do not appreciate you rearranging the dishwasher at work the other day after I loaded it! The plates will get clean enough if they are not spaced exactly evenly.  Shit bro!

4th – I'd like to smack everyone in Washington D.C. right now. 

Letters

Dear Special Agent,

Please stop calling me cakes. At first it was cute, kind of like an inside joke, but now, it's really annoying. WTF does it even mean?? Also, I'm more excited about apple picking than I am about seeing you, because I don't even know how to act around you, much less if I really like you.

Love,

The Perpetual Flirt



Dear Bus Boy,

I saw you flirting with that girl today, don't tell me you weren't. Of course I didn't say hi, I didn't want to look like a puppy dog following your every move. I ran across the street on purpose, and kept walking away from you. Only you called, and honestly I wouldn't have answered if not for my phone that is a touch screen and malfunctioned and answered itself. I don't feel like talking, so that's why I said I was late to work. I hope I don't see you tomorrow.

Love,

Avoiding-you-like-the-plague



Dear BFF,

I'm not mad at you. I'm simply anti-social. Why? I don't know. Don't ask me. Just let me be. That's what she said.

Love,

Antisocial Girl



Dear Teachers Pet,

I hate sharing an office with you. I hate that everyone in my office loves you except for me. I don't care what you do, just don't talk with me, because I'm certainly not talking to you. That is unless I have to.

Love,

Me



Dear Asshole,

I don't know why I bother to try and make plans with you. I really don't like you anymore, and I'm forcing myself to see you. That's why I've canceled on you the past three times. I don't really want to see you at all. You+me=over.

Love,

I'm-so-not-your-girl-anymore