Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Random thoughts

-Ya ever feel like you're never gonna be good enough? I mean, I haven't made alot of mistakes in my life nor do i want to. but i suppose it's inevitable right? I mean, the last thing I want to be is that 30 or 40 something year old making mistakes that people their age are already over with because they did them in their 20s.

-I'm anxious and yet nervous about my trip this week back to upstate ny. I think it'll be an emotional weekend of sorts, partly because I'm excited to see my friends but mainly because I know that things aren't the same there. And for some odd reason I want them to be the same, I want to remember college the same way but I know that's not reality. Time moves on, even if I haven't in some ways. I mean this is the first time back to college since graduation. So it definitely won't be the same in that all my friends won't be there but in some way, maybe this trip will be closure for me. Or help me realize that I can always have those memories and not have to worry about life changing. I just don't know. I just want to enjoy my time there and not be so anxious and stressed and worried about what people will think of me like I am right now. ugh.

-Can I just say, I am soooo not ready for more responsibility? I know, I'm a mature 23-year-old, but seriously, I have a new appreciation for my life. See, this week my parents have been out of town, so they insisted that I housesit and dog sit. Now, I love our dog. In fact, sometimes I wish she lived with me so that I could have someone to play with and always be happy to see me when I get home. And she's not a puppy, I mean she's 3, so she knows the dos and don'ts. But, what I didn't realize is just so freakin hard it is to work full time, plus take care of a 50+ pound dog. Just thinking about it stresses me out. I mean all I've done this entire week is just work, race home to let her out and feed her, and then do my errands but always worry about her, about how long she can be inside before she needs to go out again, or what to do with the dog. It's like even plans I'm trying to make on Wednesday aren't fully developed because I keep thinking about the dog, and how late I should stay out and when I should get home and maybe I should do something closer to the house. It's like ughhhh. i just want my old life back, where I could sleep in without any worries, or watch my tv shows, or do whatever I wanted.

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