WTF Tuesday

Seriously I don't understand why my Tuesdays always feel like Mondays and my Mondays feel like Tuesdays. It makes no sense.

Here's the deal kiddos, I'm in all sorts of a panic right now. I don't know exactly why but here's the deets:

1) I'm freaking out about finding a new job. HOLD ME. Yes, I have a job. I'm lucky to be employed right now, especially in this crapastic economy. But there's been more lay offs at work (mainly when I was in China) and it's got me really thinking it's only a matter of time before I'm next. And I don't want to be that person that just sits around and waits for it. I want to be the person that says "see ya suckas, I'm outta here!" and beat them to the punch. So I've been saying for months I'm going to start looking, start applying, yada yada yada. Only now it's becoming a reality. I applied for three jobs last night, and all I kept thinking was, "did my cover letter suck?" "do I really want do to this?" "what if I get an interview?" "what if they don't like me?" and so on. It really wasn't the best of times. That and I've learned that I really hate writing a cover letter. Like I have real hate for it. So much hate for it that the last real cover letter I wrote was oh, about three years ago. That's not good people. Not gonna do. Which means someone needs to liquor me up so I can write a proper one. Any takers?

2) Moving on....I'm also freaking out about B. Yes, I know I said I wasn't gonna see B anymore. I know that. But hear me out. We had dinner and a walk last week, and it was great. Like just really relaxing and I felt like myself (even tho I wasn't, I was so nervous and so I talked the entire time until the beer I drank made me normal again) and he told me he missed me while I was gone and I think he meant it. After our "date" or whatever you want to call it, I realized that I like him again. Which is not good because before I left for China, I was just having fun with no strings attached. Now all of a sudden I care if he's seeing other people (which he isn't).

I talked this over today with Linda over gchat, and basically this is what I've come up with. I blame my hormones for liking him again, but with my birthday coming up at the end of the month, I expect him to do something for my birthday. Which isn't good because I'm not his girlfriend. I guess we're dating? I have no clue. But here's the deal. I figured out that I like him and I want him to be reliable, but I don't want to call him my boyfriend because then I feel the added pressure of being in a relationship. But I definitely don't want him seeing other people, because I'm not either. So where does that leave me? I have no fucking clue. All I know is that I can't shut my mouth so I'm going to ask him about where he sees us at tomorrow when I see him for dinner.

Speaking of boys--I've been texting a guy I knew from h.s. lately. He's definitely been hitting on me which is flattering but he lives in Vermont, so there's no chance of that working out. But still, a compliment is a compliment.

3) I had something happen last night that was terrible, like TMI terrible, so stay tuned to TMI Thursday, because you're gonna wanna hear this one. It's disturbing.

I know I've been complaining all this time, so to lighten things up a bit, here's something that made me actually smile today. We all know how much I heart Taylor Swift--here she is playing a prank on the hot, hot, Keith Urban:

A New Perspective

Oh how I love to travel. I was lucky enough to go to Paris for a week last year, and now this year China. China. As in that country on the other side of the world. I still don't think it's quite hit me that I was there for two weeks. I have to say, after about a week there I was sick of Chinese food and ready to come home. But, by the time I knew it, I was coming home. And honestly, I had mixed emotions about that too. On one hand I was happy to come home to fresh air, sunny days, and friends. On the other hand, I felt sad leaving China and kinda disappointed to be home. Maybe that's because home means I won't be around my Dad anymore, and it means back to reality aka working and having real adult responsibilities.

But I'm happy I went. I'm so so thankful that I was able to go, even if my visa came in last minute. I think whenever I travel, I come home with a new perspective. This time I came back with a feeling of comfort that everything will turn out okay, in terms of relationships, jobs, and life in general. I will survive my 20s, even if they suck. I will find another job that actually challenges me. And I will eventually find someone special enough to call my boyfriend.

Another new thing I'm trying to institute in my everyday life is about being in the moment. I'll admit before my trip, I was definitely not in the best of places. I kept looking for direction, for something to talk about, and most of all, was definitely envious of others. So now I'm going to try and just be in the moment. If I'm out with my friends, I want to remember that time we went to the movies and laughed till our sides hurt. Not the time when I was the only single person in the group.

I realize this is going to be hard to keep up, but I want to try. Because I know I'm going to get sucked into the same routines I had before I left, and I don't want that to happen. I want to resist that as much as possible. I figure a new outlook on life is worth a try, right?

I'm back

I'm back safely from my China trip, and don't feel as jet lagged as I did when I returned to the States on Sunday.

I have some things to catch up on- i.e. sleep & laundry, but I've decided this week I will post about my trip. Think of it as the China edition of my blog.

Stay tuned!