TMI Thursday: Blame it on the dog

***Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s!***

This happened about a year or two ago to my bff. She was dating a boy named Jeffrey, who worshiped his dog named Jack like none other. Seriously, she'd go over to his place, and before they could get it on, he'd have to play fetch with Jack. She would usually sit on the couch and look around the room or daydream about what she could be doing or think about how freakin' bored she was.

Well, this particular time, was different because it was her birthday. They met at a park downtown and had a lovely picnic, eating Subway sandwiches, laying out in the sun, and watching Jack go crazy barking at squirrels. He even surprised her with chocolate cupcakes for dessert.

The entire day was going well. After their picnic, he asked if she wanted to come over.

"Do you have wine?" she jokingly asked. She was a huge wine fiend back in the day, especially with whites.

"No, but there's a liquor store down the street. I'll buy you whatever you want."

Now, how's a girl to pass that up? It was her birthday celebration. She loves wine. And she wouldn't have to pay for it. WIN.

She followed him to the liquor store where she picked out her favorite wine at the time, Barefoot's Chardonnay. She was looking for the smallest bottle, but Jeffery insisted that he wanted to buy her the big bottle. You know, the one that isn't made for one person to drink alone? Yeah. She assured him that was too much, but that he could have some for later.

They got to his place, and instead of chilling the wine, he brought her a frozen beer mug and filled it up all the way to the top with wine. Classy. She figured she would just take her time drinking it, and they'd watch a movie or play with Jack. Only, Jeffrey was impatient. "Drink faster!" he said. She didn't want to.

But then he challenged her to a chugging contest. Now, she didn't normally chug anything, because her stomach usually hates that, but for some reason, she thought that was a good idea. But here's an important detail you must know--Jeffrey didn't drink. He would keep alcohol around for when he had friends over. So his glass was filled with water--hers was filled with wine. She chugged almost half of her mug.

She also learned that she's a lightweight. It didn't take long for her to start feeling really buzzed and horny. And she moved things from the living room to the bedroom. At one point she started feeling pressure down there to pee, but she ignored it because she was in the moment--he was fingering her and it felt so good. She figured she would just go later after they were finished. Meanwhile, Jeffrey kept saying "you're really wet...like really, really, wet." Which she took as a compliment, because often times she couldn't get wet with him. And he seemed to be enjoying it.

But then she felt herself pee...all over his bed. "I have to go..." she said, as she started to get off the bed. "But, why? We were having a good time," he said. She asked to use his bathroom, where she tried her best to wipe up all the pee. He was in the bathroom when she got back, and she saw the pee spot on his comforter, so she did the only thing she could think of: she flipped the comforter down to where the sheets were to cover up the spot, and got dressed as fast as she could.

He walked her to her car, where he asked her when she could see him again. She lied and said next week. Weeks later they hooked up again, but he never said a word about it. He just thought she was "wet."

Happy TMIT!